"Hear this! A sower went out to sow. And as he sowed, some seed fell on the path, and the birds came and ate it up. Other seed fell on rocky ground where it had little soil. It sprang up at once because the soil was not deep. And when the sun rose, it was scorched and it withered for lack of roots. Some seed fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up and choked it and it produced no grain. And some seed fell on rich soil and produced fruit. It came up and grew and yielded thirty, sixty, and a hundredfold.” He added, “Whoever has ears to hear ought to hear.” Mark 4:3- 9
5 Reasons Why Studying the Teachings of the Saints Helps Grow Our Faith
- Study puts down roots. This is what Jesus talked about in the Parable of the Sower. It is not about studying the saints as individuals. It is about studying as they studied and applying that study to our spiritual lives.
- The saints produced a wonderful body of religious writings. The saints have left a great legacy, going all the way back to the Apostles. While we are not compelled to believe in the private revelation of the saints, their work (which includes inspired writing and the traditions of the early Church) is invaluable.
- The saints have given us some great, practical spiritual teachings. Spiritual practices taught by the saints (like Lectio Divina, the Examen and Ignatian Discernment) can help us to get closer to and deepen our relationship with God.
- The saints teach by example. Whenever we start to lose faith on any level we need only look to the example of the saints to be reminded that people can indeed do great and wonderful things.
- The saints point to Jesus. The saints do not replace or obscure Jesus Christ. Instead their example and teachings point to Him and help us to see Him more clearly. We don't pray to the saints either. We pray to God. Though it is perfectly okay to ask the saints to pray for us. It's their pleasure, I think, to give us a hand up.
So those are the reasons. I discuss them in a little more depth below.
But First Some Background
Twenty years ago or more, before I took a deep dive into the new age and occult, I was a practicing Catholi with full time career and a family to care for. My life was hectic and often emotionally demanding. And, for me, the Church was a refuge.
I loved to go Mass in the morning before I got caught up in another busy day. Not because I felt like I had to, or thought it would please God but because I felt the spiritual power of the living presence of Jesus at Mass and in the Eucharist.
For me, that part of being a Catholic was always real. I believed. But it was not lack of belief that caused me to leave the Church. It was anger.
Our family went through a lot in the nineties and I held God and the Church responsible. This was unfair in ways I hope to better explain in my upcoming testimony (New Age To Catholic). But my point here is that the real reason I lost my way was that I didn't fully understand my Catholic faith.
Instead I knew bits and pieces. I knew God existed but I didn't really know Him. I knew Jesus died for me but I didn't really have a personal relationship.
I knew the Catechism more or less but I didn't really know the reasoning behind the rules. I knew who some of the saints were but I didn't know what they had actually written or taught.
I knew some Bible stories and even a few passages but I never truly applied myself to the Bible. Or anything.
I knew the standard prayers but I didn't say them. At least not on my own time. And I didn't spend any significant time talking to God either.
I mostly showed up. Until showing up wasn't enough.
How Studying the Saints Helps Me
Fast forward to September 2020.
I have had a rough couple of weeks. Due in part to my past experience in the new age and occult, I deal a fair amount of spiritual warfare. Concerns about COVID are keeping me from going to confession or attending Mass.
This takes a toll. But the truth is, God allows spiritual warfare for a reason. And there is something about overwhelm and discouragement and sleeplessness, that makes you take a hard look at your life - and everything in it.
So I looked at was this blog and the time I put into it. I thought a lot about why I do it.
I left the Church was because I was one of those people who just didn't root. I knew I was in the right place but I never dug in. My house was full of holy pictures but my heart and my mind weren't really engaged. Because I didn't make the effort I had no anchor - and when the storm came, I was swept away.
And that is something I will not risk again.
The Catholic Church offers us a wealth of spiritual resources. All are designed to bring into closer communion with Jesus Christ. And a lot of these resources have come to us, directly or indirectly, through the saints.
The New Testament has come to us through the inspired writings of early saints of the Church. Our traditions have been shaped by those who came along a little bit later.
The saints have left a great legacy. Specific prayers, study materials and spiritual practices are their gifts. For me, these things have been a lifeline.
Certainly, studying the saints isn't the only path to a deeper understanding of the faith and studying the saints in no way excludes the Catechism or Scripture or God. But, for me, studying the saints and writing about what I learn here in this blog helps me anchor myself to the faith.
Ignatian Discernment Series Update
Next week I will be continuing with my series on Ignatian discernment.
I know it's coming together slowly. But I can't just read Father Gallagher's books and regurgitate them. I have to put what I'm learning into play in my own life before I can write about it. And the truth is that I kind of got stuck between Rule 4 and Rule 5. (More about that in my next post.)
If you've been following the series, I want to thank you for your patience and I want you to know that the both the series and this blog are ongoing.
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| Material I received from Christ the King Priory. My Medal is in the waxed paper envelop. |
Where I Got My Saint Benedict Medal
I decided to get a St. Benedict Medal after I heard Catholic exorcist Fr. Chad Ripperger recommend it on YouTube. It was important for me to get a medal that was already blessed so I decided to order mine from the St. Benedict Center at Christ the King Priory a Benedictine monastery, mission and retreat center in Schuyler, Nebraska, US.
The material and Medal I received from the priory is pictured above. I chose a smaller sized gold plated Medal. It is very nice, as you can see from the pictures, and was only $10 plus shipping. This is the direct link to order a medal. (Please note, I have no financial relationship with the priory!)
About The Jubilee Medal of St. Benedict
The power of St. Benedict is revealed in this small object that has been fostered by his spiritual sons many years. Marvelous is the aid which the St. Benedict Medal affords to its devout wearers in the manifold necessities of soul and body. (From the pamphlet included with the Medal as pictured below)
One of the primary protections of the St. Benedict Medal is that it is believed to protect against evil spirits.
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| Pamphlet and other material I received with my Medal |
Origin and Explanation of the Medal
St. Benedict (born at Nursia, Italy, in 480 AD) had a profound veneration for the holy cross and for our Savior Crucified. In virtue of the Sign of the Cross, he wrought many miracles and exercised great power over the spirits of darkness. In consequence of the great veneration in which St. Benedict was held from the early Middle Ages, it followed that a Medal was struck. (From the Pamphlet included with the Medal)
Meaning of the Latin
The front of the Medal shows St. Benedict holding a cross and the rule that he wrote to guide his own monastery. This rule is still in use today in Benedictine monasteries around the world.
Around the image of St. Benedict are these words in Latin: "May his presence protect us in the hour of death." St. Benedict has ever been the patron of the dying, because of the circumstances attending his own most glorious death, for he breathed forth his soul while standing in prayer before the Most Blessed Sacrament. (From the Pamphlet included with the Medal)
The Letters on the Other Side of the Medal
On the cross side of the medal we find the letters C S S M L - N D S M D, initials of the words Crux sacra sit mihi lux! Numquam draco sit mihi dux! The English translation for this is, "May the holy cross be my light! May the dragon never be my overlord!"). The large C S P B stand for Crux Sancti Patris Benedicti or "The Cross of [our] Holy Father Benedict." This letters are pictured in my St. Benedict medal below.
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| The back of my St. Benedict Medal showing the initials described above. |
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| The Virgin with angels William-Adolphe Bouguereau (1825-1905) |
About the Feat of the Queenship of Mary
Today, August 22 , (on my birthday!) the Church celebrates the Queenship of Mary. On this feast day we honor Mary as the Queen of Heaven and Earth.
Pope Pius XII established this feast day in his encyclical Ad Coeli Reginam, calling the Blessed Mother “Queen of Heaven and earth…exalted above all chairs of Angels and the ranks of the Saints in Heaven, standing at the right hand of Her only-begotten Son, our Lord Jesus Christ.”
Pope Pius encouraged all Catholics to turn to the Blessed Virgin in times of trouble and hardship and ask for her intercession.
Hail Holy Queen Prayer
Hail Holy Queen
Hail, Holy Queen, Mother of Mercy,
our life, our sweetness and our hope.
To you do we cry,
poor banished children of Eve.
To you do we send up our sighs,
mourning and weeping in this valley of tears
Turn then, most gracious advocate,
your eyes of mercy toward us,
and after this exile
show unto us the blessed fruit of thy womb,
Jesus.
O clement, O loving,
O sweet Virgin Mary.
Hail Holy Queen Prayer Card
Coming soon in my etsy shop, viewable via the shop page here on this blog or at CatholicBookAndCard.com!
Vision is a German film that chronicles the life of the 12th century Christian mystic St. Hildegard von Binging. The film begins with her early childhood and covers all of the known major events of her adult life. It is subtitled but moves at a readable pace.
St. Hildegard von Bingen was not only a visionary. She was also a gifted healer, a painter, religious leader, poet, and composer. One of the things I especially liked about Vision was the beautiful sound track based on St. Hildegard's own compositions. I was left impressed with emphasis on the saints personal relationships. Not that I doubt that she had them or suffered at times with them, as do we all. But, to me, she is so much more than that.
According to multiple sources, including Barbara Newman, author of Voice of the Living Light: St. Hildegard of Bingen and Her World
St. Hildegard recorded many of the mystical visions that she had been having since childhood. These writings describe a brilliant light pouring down from heaven, which the saint referred to as "the living light."
St. Hildegard recorded many of the mystical visions that she had been having since childhood. These writings describe a brilliant light pouring down from heaven, which the saint referred to as "the living light."Because angels appeared to St. Hildegard in her visions, she gave a lot of thought to the relationship between angels and man. She foresaw an apocalyptic future giving way to a new heaven and a new earth as described in the book of Revelation.
Direct translations of St. Hildegard's visions may be found in Hildegard von Bingen's Mystical Visions which I have not read. But hope to read soon.
St. Hildegard attributed most of her accomplishments (including her incredibly beautiful musical compositions) to her visionary experience. But she remained modest throughout her life, giving all glory and honor to God as shown in the following letter to another religious leader:
A wind blew from a high mountain and, as it passed over ornamented castles and towers, it put into motion a small feather which had no ability of its own to fly but received its movement entirely from the wind. Surely the almighty God arranged this to show what the Divine could achieve through a creature that had no hope of achieving anything by itself. St. Hildegard's letter to Abbot Philip
St. Hildegard believed in a strong connection between body and soul and regarded physical disturbance as a sign of a deeper imbalance. Her pharmacopoeia, The Physica (Hildegard von Bingen's Physica: The Complete English Translation of Her Classic Work on Health and Healing)
discusses the specific medicinal qualities of plants, elements, living creatures and metals.
The Physical does mention the use of crystals which I do not recommend. It is worth noting, however, that St. Hildegard seemed to be attempting to utilize the mineral (rather than the magical) qualities of the stones. In many instances she placed the recommended stones directly against the skin or asked the patient to hold them in their mouth.
To me, fact that the Physica must be read critically (like all historical medical treatises) doesn't detract from its value. As one of the three female doctors of the Catholic Church, her medical and visionary writings may be taken seriously.
discusses the specific medicinal qualities of plants, elements, living creatures and metals. The Physical does mention the use of crystals which I do not recommend. It is worth noting, however, that St. Hildegard seemed to be attempting to utilize the mineral (rather than the magical) qualities of the stones. In many instances she placed the recommended stones directly against the skin or asked the patient to hold them in their mouth.
To me, fact that the Physica must be read critically (like all historical medical treatises) doesn't detract from its value. As one of the three female doctors of the Catholic Church, her medical and visionary writings may be taken seriously.
Assuming a leadership position throughout her life, St. Hildegard served as magistra of the sisterhood at Disibodenberg and went on to found her own convent at Rupertberg in the face of great opposition. She was the author of the Physica
, three books of visions
, numerous musical works and what many consider to be the first morality play.
Canonized after her death, St. Hildegard's progressive and holistic approach to the treatment of illness was far ahead of its time and her many visions are thought provoking and well recorded. Her delicate and haunting liturgical melodies speak directly to the heart. To me, their survival over these last 800 years is a remarkable testimony. I listen to them often.
, three books of visions, numerous musical works and what many consider to be the first morality play.Canonized after her death, St. Hildegard's progressive and holistic approach to the treatment of illness was far ahead of its time and her many visions are thought provoking and well recorded. Her delicate and haunting liturgical melodies speak directly to the heart. To me, their survival over these last 800 years is a remarkable testimony. I listen to them often.
The full version of Canticles Of Ecstasy
is available for digital download through Amazon.
is available for digital download through Amazon.
The Fourth Rule of St. Ignatius
The fourth is of spiritual desolation. I call desolation all the contrary of the third rule, such as darkness of soul, disturbance in it, movement to low and earthly things, disquiet from various agitations and temptations, moving to lack of confidence, without hope, without love, finding oneself totally slothful, tepid, sad, and, as if separated from one's Creator and Lord. For just as consolation is contrary to desolation, in the same way that thoughts that come from consolation are contrary to the thoughts that come from desolation. - The 4th rule of St. Ignatius as translated by Fr. Timothy Gallagher in The Discernment of Spirits
Where This Rule Found Me
Last week, started on a wonderful note. I had just decided to start a new podcast and recorded my first episode. I spent time in the garden. I toggled back and forth between the fiction and nonfiction manuscript. I worked on my etsy shop. I blogged.
And then desolation hit. Not regular old, every day desolation. Spiritual desolation, which does as Fr. Gallagher explains in The Discernment of Spirits, strike hard at your life of faith.
It began when I relistened to my first podcast. I'd made the mistake of referencing the nonexistent url barbaragraver.com/podcast when I should have just said go to my site and click on the menu item. This meant that I would have to redo the intro.
No big deal really but one more thing to add to what was already a very full plate - which was something I became more and more aware of as I listened to myself rattle on about all my creative projects.
I felt suddenly overwhelmed. Is it really possible, I wondered, to do all that stuff?
Ironically as I signed off I said, on impulse, that the next podcast would be about prioritizing and overwhelm and the tendency that creative people had to take on too many projects. Because that was where I was at. Exactly. And it was beginning to take a toll.
The Discouragement of Darkness, Disturbance and Earthly Things
I call desolation all the contrary of the third rule, such as darkness of soul, disturbance in it, movement to low and earthly things, disquiet from various agitations and temptations, moving to lack of confidence... - From the 4th rule of St. Ignatius as translated by Fr. Timothy Gallagher in The Discernment of Spirits
I started to have trouble sleeping. I worried about the copyright status of the images I had picked for my newest round of prayer cards. I imagined a host of worst scenario outcomes. The confidence I'd felt about doing the podcast vanished. I wondered why I was still working on my novel when I had two nonfiction ebooks to write. Continuing with this blog seemed daunting.
I wondered if it might not be better to just close the Etsy shop before I got into trouble. I was ready to give up on the podcast and the novel. I wasn't sure if I wanted to continue with this blog. But I had committed to this series on Ignatius. There was a post due this week on the fourth and fifth rules. it was a commitment I had made, to God.
So I pulled out Fr. Gallagher's book and read the fourth rule. As I did, I was struck by how closely my own negative feelings aligned with what St. Ignatius described. Then I read what Fr. Gallagher had to say about darkness of the soul.
I wondered if it might not be better to just close the Etsy shop before I got into trouble. I was ready to give up on the podcast and the novel. I wasn't sure if I wanted to continue with this blog. But I had committed to this series on Ignatius. There was a post due this week on the fourth and fifth rules. it was a commitment I had made, to God.
So I pulled out Fr. Gallagher's book and read the fourth rule. As I did, I was struck by how closely my own negative feelings aligned with what St. Ignatius described. Then I read what Fr. Gallagher had to say about darkness of the soul.
If the good spirit gives "inspirations" (rule 2) that communicate light and clarify the way toward God, the enemy, conversely instills a darkness of soul with precisely the contrary effect. - The Discernment of Spirits
I realized that what was happening to me - right then, right there. The soul darkening blight of spiritual warfare.
The Reality of Spiritual Warfare
And, sadly, this is the place where humility or low-self worth (whichever comes first) can work against us. It's hard to imagine that our seemingly insignificant Christian service or content creation or witnessing matters. But let me assure you, to the opposition, it does. And we are all at risk.
If we accept that we may have a target on our backs and are potentially subject to diabolical influence, the need to discern between the good spirit and the bad becomes immediately apparent. Which is why making this distinction is central to the rules of St. Ignatius.
St. Ignatius probably thought of these spirits angels (as in guardian angels vs. dark angels) and to me this makes perfect sense. But whether you think of the forces that oppose you as a (relatively) lowly demon or the father of lies himself, understanding that your sense of discouragement or dark thoughts may be coming from opposition changes things.
For me, at least, it puts everything into perspective.
This perspective is the first step but it isn't an end in itself. But one thing we know about Satan (and his minions) is that they are masters of mixing factual material with lies.
Then the devil took him to the holy city and placed him on the pinnacle of the temple, saying to him, “If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down; for it is written, ‘He will command his angels concerning you,’ and ‘On their hands they will bear you up, so that you will not dash your foot against a stone.’” Jesus said to him, “Again it is written, ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’” - Matthew 4:5-7 (NRSVCE)And that is exactly what the devil did in the passage above. Jesus didn't fall for obviously. But we do or I do anyhow - pretty darned regularly. As far as earlier this week goes, I knew that some of the dark thoughts running through my mind were untrue but I wasn't sure about all of them.
The Fifth Rule Brings Clarity
In a time of desolation never make a change, but be firm and constant in the proposals and determination in which one was the day preceding such desolation, or in the determination in which one was in the preceding consolation. Because as in consolation the good spirit guides and counsels us more, so in desolation the bad spirit with whole counsels we cannot fine the way to a right decision. - The fifth rule of St. Ignatius as translated by Fr. Timothy Gallagher in The Discernment of Spirits
As Fr. Gallagher points out this rule contains two parts - a guideline and the explanation. The guideline is clear - in a time of spiritual desolation never make a change.
In the Discernment of Spirits Fr. Gallagher provides several clear examples of how spiritual desolation looks and feels that helped me to feel certain this was where I was at. He made the explanation part of the fifth rule clear as well:
During spiritual consolation the good spirit is guiding and counseling us. The time of spiritual consolation is thus the time to accept the work of God... In times of spiritual desolation however, the bad spirit is a t work, "With whose counsels we cannot find the way to a right decisions. - The Discernment of Spirits
My first step, then was not to make any kind of decision until my sense of spiritual desolation passed. I did not close my etsy shop. I did not give up on the podcast. I did not take down my blog. I didn't go on YouTube and announce that I was no longer writing fiction.
Instead I waited.
I waited and prayed and thought about the things I had felt inspired to do in my period of consolation. It was no coincidence, I realized, that these were the very things I was feeling negative about now.
How This Helped
As my uncertainty, and the low hanging dark cloud that went along with it, passed, I began to practice discernment - tentatively AND prayerfully.
After praying the examen one night, I recalled the projects I had felt inspired to do when I was caught in the upward pull of spiritual consolation and wrote them down. It didn't matter how I felt about them earlier in the week during my period of spiritual desolation, I now knew. What mattered was the way I had felt about them when inspiration hit.
I identified the things that had me feel inspired and upbeat and full of anticipation. Podcasting was on the list. This blog was on the list. The Etsy shop was on the list. The novel was on the list.
Other projects, like the nonfiction ebooks, were not.
At this point I was ready to make some decisions.
I thought about why I had been vulnerable to spiritual attack. In some ways I had set myself up for the dark force onslaught by hanging on to all of the projects I wanted to do - even when I was receiving good spiritual direction to do something else.
I will talk a bit more about how the good spiritual direction went down in next week's podcast but the point I want to make here is that the God stuff is supposed to come first. I felt led to this blog and the podcast and the etsy shop and fiction writing.
And because I was applying the rules of St. Ignatius (and praying my nightly examen) I believed that my sense of when God was leading and when He was not was probably accurate.
I recalled that I had noticed no leading to do the new God inspired stuff on top of all of the other projects I had going on. Or to do it after those projects. Or to do it in between.
I hung on to the old stuff because it was my idea. I was attached to it. And now, having put Satan and his influence behind me, it was time to let go.
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After praying the examen one night, I recalled the projects I had felt inspired to do when I was caught in the upward pull of spiritual consolation and wrote them down. It didn't matter how I felt about them earlier in the week during my period of spiritual desolation, I now knew. What mattered was the way I had felt about them when inspiration hit.
I identified the things that had me feel inspired and upbeat and full of anticipation. Podcasting was on the list. This blog was on the list. The Etsy shop was on the list. The novel was on the list.
Other projects, like the nonfiction ebooks, were not.
At this point I was ready to make some decisions.
I thought about why I had been vulnerable to spiritual attack. In some ways I had set myself up for the dark force onslaught by hanging on to all of the projects I wanted to do - even when I was receiving good spiritual direction to do something else.
I will talk a bit more about how the good spiritual direction went down in next week's podcast but the point I want to make here is that the God stuff is supposed to come first. I felt led to this blog and the podcast and the etsy shop and fiction writing.
And because I was applying the rules of St. Ignatius (and praying my nightly examen) I believed that my sense of when God was leading and when He was not was probably accurate.
I recalled that I had noticed no leading to do the new God inspired stuff on top of all of the other projects I had going on. Or to do it after those projects. Or to do it in between.
I hung on to the old stuff because it was my idea. I was attached to it. And now, having put Satan and his influence behind me, it was time to let go.
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- For post 1 in the series please read Spiritual Discernment and Creativity with St. Ignatius
- For post 2 please read St. Ignatius and the Discernment of Spirits
- For more on the Examen prayer please see my post The Examen Prayer
- To check out the Creativity and Faith podcast please visit my Barbara Graver podcast page or the standalone podcast page at BarbaraGraver.com or CreativityAndFaith.com
Third Rule. The third is of spiritual consolation. I call it consolation when some interior movement is caused in the soul, through which the soul comes to be inflamed with love of its Creator and Lord, and consequently, when it can love no created thing on the face of the earth in itself, but only in the Creator of them all. Likewise when it sheds tears that move to love of its Lord, whether out of sorry for one's sins or for the passion of Christ our Lord or because of other things directly ordered to his service and praise. Finally, I call consolation every increase of hope, faith and charity, and all the interior joy that calls and attracts to heavenly things and to the salvation of one's soul, quieting it and giving it peace in its Creator and Lord. - The Rules St. Ignatius as translated by Fr. Timothy Gallagher in The Discernment of Spirits
What is Spiritual Consolation?
In The Discernment of Spirits, Fr. Gallagher explains that St. Ignatius thought of consolation as a happy, uplifting feeling that leads to a sense of peace. To me, consolation implies something that comes at a time of trouble or disquiet but this is not necessarily the case for St. Ignatius. And when I look at the synonyms for consolation I can see why.
According to Merriam Webster comfort, reassurance and solace are all synonyms for consolation. And when, you think about, these are things that are welcomed by most of us pretty anytime.
Especially if the comforter is God.
And that is the key part. Spiritual consolation per Fr. Gallagher impacts our life of faith. Ordinary consolation, as found in a friend's greeting or beautiful sunset does not, at least not necessarily, influence our walk with God.
A Five Part Rule
When I first read the third rule of St. Ignatius I felt completely overwhelmed. Not just by the length or by the language but by the standard I felt it set in describing a love of God so profound that the soul who experiences it "can love no created thing on the face of the earth in itself, but only in the Creator of them all."
I didn't feel that I could say that I loved only through God or that I even really understood what that meant. Luckily, however, there are four parts to the third rule. Loving no created thing in and of itself is one of five.
And I do mostly get the other four.
Many of us, I think, have felt our soul burn for God on at least one occasion. At times, it may burn so brightly that it illuminates other created things. To me, this is grace. The kind of grace that makes it possible to help and care for people who are not lovable on the surface.
And that bar reminded me of the bar set here:
We stay the course because we love God. But does our love for God ever burn so brightly, as St. Ignatius implies in the third rule, that it makes no other illumination possible?
Personally, speaking only for myself, it does not. And it's entirely possible it never will.
While, I appreciated Fr. Gallagher's example of a young seminarian whose love for God completely overwhelmed his attachment for the life he had left behind, I know that isn't me.
And to be honest, I think that's okay. One of the things I love about being Catholic, in fact, is knowing that we are on a spiritual path as opposed to having reached our destination. We are blessed to walk that path in the company of saints like Ignatius. But we are not them.
For me, this is the chasing part of Chasing the Saints, I know I'm not going to catch up or even necessarily keep the pace. But I'm happy to be headed in the right direction.
I didn't feel that I could say that I loved only through God or that I even really understood what that meant. Luckily, however, there are four parts to the third rule. Loving no created thing in and of itself is one of five.
And I do mostly get the other four.
1. The Consolation of Loving God
I call it consolation when some interior movement is caused in the soul, through which the soul comes to be inflamed with love of its Creator and Lord... - The Rules St. Ignatius as translated by Fr. Timothy Gallagher in The Discernment of Spirits
2. The Consolation of Loving Through God
I call it consolation ... when it [the soul] can love no created thing on the face of the earth in itself, but only in the Creator of them all. - The Rules St. Ignatius as translated by Fr. Timothy Gallagher in The Discernment of SpiritsThis was the part the third rule I found very hard to understand. Not only was it hard to understand but I felt that even if I did understand it, it was setting the bar impossibly high.
And that bar reminded me of the bar set here:
Whoever comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and even life itself, cannot be my disciple. - Luke 14:26 NRSVCEYes, that is Jesus talking and, yes, I always kind of hated that verse. But I do understand it. We move forward in our walk of faith, no matter what. No matter who is with us. No matter who is not.
We stay the course because we love God. But does our love for God ever burn so brightly, as St. Ignatius implies in the third rule, that it makes no other illumination possible?
Personally, speaking only for myself, it does not. And it's entirely possible it never will.
While, I appreciated Fr. Gallagher's example of a young seminarian whose love for God completely overwhelmed his attachment for the life he had left behind, I know that isn't me.
And to be honest, I think that's okay. One of the things I love about being Catholic, in fact, is knowing that we are on a spiritual path as opposed to having reached our destination. We are blessed to walk that path in the company of saints like Ignatius. But we are not them.
For me, this is the chasing part of Chasing the Saints, I know I'm not going to catch up or even necessarily keep the pace. But I'm happy to be headed in the right direction.
3. The Consolation of Tears
Likewise when it sheds tears that move to love of its Lord, whether out of sorry for one's sins or for the passion of Christ our Lord or because of other things directly ordered to his service and praise. The Rules St. Ignatius as translated by Fr. Timothy Gallagher in The Discernment of Spirits
Those tears are different then other tears because they are tears of spiritual consolation but they are not tears of spiritual consolation just because I'm praying but because they affect my life of faith.
Sometimes, we understand that affect clearly because of a special insight we are given. Sometimes the impact is a little harder to define, but it impacts us all the same.
4. The Consolation of Hope, Faith and Charity
Finally, I call consolation every increase of hope, faith and charity... - The Rules St. Ignatius as translated by Fr. Timothy Gallagher in The Discernment of SpiritsHope is, for me, a hallmark of God's leading but it can be tricky to divide what we think is hope from the sense of relief we sometimes get after making a difficult decision. Sometimes too desperation can look a bit like hope. So with hope (and faith and charity) I think it's important to allow yourself time to be with whatever it is your feeling and to turn to God in prayer.
5. The Consolation of Joy and Peace
...and all the interior joy that calls and attracts to heavenly things and to the salvation of one's soul, quieting it and giving it peace in its Creator and Lord. - The Rules St. Ignatius as translated by Fr. Timothy Gallagher in The Discernment of SpiritsThe consolation of joy and peace came into play for me this week in a big way. I had been struggling with decision about a new project. On one hand were all the things on my plate - my family, my garden, my still not completely renovated house plus my other creative projects.
And those projects were many. They included this blog, my BarbaraGraver.com creativity and faith website and my new Catholic printables etsy shop that is still very much in process. Adding another project on did not make sense, except that I thought maybe it could IF I used the podcasts I recorded as content on my creativity and faith site.
But it wasn't the reasoning (which always feels very much like rationalizing to me) that convinced me. It was the happy enthusiasm I felt for the project. Not just enthusiasm, a light upward pull of excitement and anticipation accompanied by a sense of peace around my decision. Maybe if I hadn't been studying the Third Rule at that particular point in time I would have missed it.
Attracting Heavenly Things
But I didn't miss it.
I felt happy about the project. I noticed that I was getting a lot of different inspired ideas for various podcast episodes. I kept running into information about podcasting and other people who love podcasting. I thought about what St. Ignatius said about a joy that attracts heavenly things. I talked to God. And when I still felt the same happy upward pull I decided to go for it.
So now there's another iron in the fire. It's called the Creativity and Faith Podcast and it is already a lot of work. But the podcast website is done (CreativityAndFaith.com) and there is a podcast page on my website (BarbaraGraver.com) and the first episode, such as it is, is up there.
There is still a LOT more to do, but isn't there always? And really, isn't that just how life works? Or as my grandmother used to say, I'll rest when I'm dead. Because right now, I'm having fun.
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- You can find my previous posts in the series at Spiritual Discernment and Creativity with St. Ignatius (intro) and Rules 1 & 2: Saint Ignatius & the Discernment of Spirits.
- My next post will be on Rules 4 & 5.
- And in case you're interested, here is podcast one. For podcast two I'm promising everyone a proper intro complete with voice over and music!
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| The Repentant St. Mary Magdalene by Domenico Fetti |
Today is the feast of St. Mary Magdalene sometimes called the Apostle to the Apostles.
Mary Magdalene in the Bible
St. Mary Magdalene was a follower of Jesus, one of several women said to have helped support his ministry. While scripture does not support the claim that she was a prostitute (or the woman with the alabaster jar), the Bible does she was the woman from whom Jesus cast seven demons.
St. Mary Magdalene watched the crucifixion from a distance along with the other women who followed Jesus during His ministry. After His burial, visiting his tomb to anoint his body only to find the stone rolled away and found the living Christ, sitting at the place they laid Him. She was the first witness to His resurrection and made the miracle of His resurrection known to the Apostles.
St. Mary Magdalene and the Rudderless Boat
According to legend, St. Mary Magdalene remained among the early Christians after Christ’s ascension. And was allegedly put into a boat, some fourteen years later, along with several other saints of the early Church, and set adrift without sails or oars. Some believe that the boat landed in southern France, where she spent the remaining years of her life living in solitude, in a cave.
Mary Magdalene and the Red Egg
According to tradition, St.Mary Magdalene, gained an audience with the Roman emperor after the resurrection of Jesus. She denounced Pilate for his handling of Jesus' trial and then began to tell Caesar about Jesus' resurrection.
She picked up a hen's egg from the dinner table to illustrate her point about resurrection. Caesar was unmoved and replied that there was as much chance of a human being returning to life as there was for the egg to turn red. Immediately, the egg miraculously turned red in her hand!
It is because of this tradition that Orthodox Christians exchange red eggs at Easter.
The Power of Mary Magdalene
St. Mary Magdalene's feast day is July 22. She is the patroness of converts, repentant sinners, sexual temptation, pharmacists, tanners and women, and many other places and causes.
The mystery, honor and legend that surround St. Mary Magdalene appeal to many, both in and outside of the church. She is one of the saints, in fact, who helped draw me back to Christianity after seven years in the new age and occult. So it is important to me to honor her today.
What is the Examen Prayer?
The examen prayer is a prayer recommended by St. Ignatius of Loyola and discussed in Fr. Timothy Gallagher's OMV book The Examen Prayer: Ignatian Wisdom for Our Lives which I am currently reading. In it Fr. Gallagher presents the Examen prayer as a five step process that will help us develop relationship with God in our everyday life.
Essentially the examen helps us to examine our day with God and develop an awareness of God in our lives. For me, the examen goes hand and hand with the first fourteen rules of Ignatian discernment because it really does teach us how to see the movement of the good and bad spirits that Ignatius talks about in the rules.
Praying the Examen
The steps of the examen as presented by Fr. Gallagher are, in paraphrase:
Transition. Become aware of the love God has for you.
- Gratitude. Notice the gifts God has has given you over the course of the day and thank him.
- Petition. Ask God for insight and strength in order to make your examen a fruitful work grace.
- Review. Review your day with God. Look for the ways God has stirred your heart and the thoughts He has given you. Look for those ways and thoughts that were not of God. Review your choices in response to all of this and the other choice's you made throughout the day.
- Forgiveness. I ask for forgiveness and healing and allow God to remove your burdens.
- Renewal. Make plans with God about specific ways you can live tomorrow in accord with His loving desire for your life.
Transition. Conclude with prayer and an awareness of God's presence in your examen.
While these steps will get you started Fr. Gallagher's book on the examen can provide some very valuable insights well beyond the scope of this post.
My First Experience with the Examen
I first prayed the examen just before bed on Tuesday July 8th - not long after I'd an insight about how I needed to focus more on my internal reality (see Spiritual Combat & Outward Attachment) in order to be discerning.
As I entered into prayer, I found it surprisingly hard to recall the events of the day. This showed me how very un-examined my life actually is! But I was able to remember most of what had happened.
I talked / prayed about how good I had felt about working in the garden earlier that day, how happy I had been to help a family member in a minor way and how grateful I was for a certain conversation. I saw how God was in all those things and regretted that I had not been aware of it at the time.
I expressed regret for wasting time on unimportant things, skipping the rosary and being impatient with others.
I talked about the insight God had given me earlier that evening - about being too focused on exterior things - and began to understand that it was my own spiritual lack of awareness that had made it necessary for God to make what seemed like an obvious move toward me in the first place.
This insight seemed important. And I realized how unfocused and dull I really am, in a spiritual sense, and how being focused outward is definitely a part of the problem.
I asked for forgiveness and healing and help to do better today. I planned my day with God but I was very tired and didn't get far. I decided only two things really, to get up early and say the rosary and to not let my media consumption cause me to pray the examen late again tonight.
This morning, I was struck by how helpful the rules of Ignatius and the examen prayer already are for me. I have a long, long way to go and the truth is that there is no "getting there." But I am grateful to feel that I have finally and truly begun the journey.
This week's post was supposed to be on the third and fourth rules for spiritual discernment as presented by Fr. Timothy Gallagher and St. Ignatius. But I have found it necessary to take my time with the Rules, just as I found it necessary to take my time with Interior Castle.
Sure I can zoom through the rules and write a series of blog posts on what I think they mean but if I don't slow down and actually apply them, I won't really benefit and neither will anyone who reads what I write about the process.
So I've spent the past week trying to establish a spiritual routine that includes a night examen. My success rate has NOT been 100% but I know that I have to keep at it til it is.
In many ways, working with the Rules is subtle. We have to train ourselves to be aware of the inner movements of our heart and the affects of the good spirit and the bad. We can't do that unless we are paying close attention, not only to the events of our day but to our inner responses to those events.
In this, the examen is an incomparable resource.
The Examen in the Process of Spiritual Discernment
This week's post was supposed to be on the third and fourth rules for spiritual discernment as presented by Fr. Timothy Gallagher and St. Ignatius. But I have found it necessary to take my time with the Rules, just as I found it necessary to take my time with Interior Castle.
Sure I can zoom through the rules and write a series of blog posts on what I think they mean but if I don't slow down and actually apply them, I won't really benefit and neither will anyone who reads what I write about the process.
So I've spent the past week trying to establish a spiritual routine that includes a night examen. My success rate has NOT been 100% but I know that I have to keep at it til it is.
In many ways, working with the Rules is subtle. We have to train ourselves to be aware of the inner movements of our heart and the affects of the good spirit and the bad. We can't do that unless we are paying close attention, not only to the events of our day but to our inner responses to those events.
In this, the examen is an incomparable resource.
Spiritual Combat by Dom LorenzoSpiritual Combat by Dom Lorenzo was first published in 1589. It is said that St. Francis de Sales read from it and often recommended it to those under his spiritual direction.
I've had Dom Lorenzo's book on kindle for some time but have never gotten around to reading it. Then, on Tuesday, the day after I wrote my second post on the rules of St. Ignatius, I watched a video on YouTube that included a reading of the first chapter of Spiritual Combat.
I decided to read along on my kindle. About halfway into the first chapter, the following passage jumped out at me.
The situation is much different with those who ignorantly place their devotion in external acts... They are so attached to these acts that they utterly neglect to watch the inner movements of their hearts... It is then that this destroyer... not only encourages them to go on their way, but fills their imagination with empty ideas, making them believe that they already taste the joys of Paradise... - Spiritual Combat by Dom Lorenzo
This passage reminded me of the rules of St. Ignatius. Because I had just written about St. Ignatius and the discernment of spirits the day before, the material was fresh in my mind.
Why I Paid Special Attention to the Passage
I paid special attention to the passage about people who are focused on exterior devotions because it reminded me of what I'd recently read about the rules of St. Ignatius. This is the first of two passages from the rules that I found similar to what I read in Spiritual Combat.
Rules for becoming aware and understanding to some extent the different movements which are caused in the soul, the good, to receive them, and the bad to reject them. - Title to the Rules of St. Ignatius (Fr. Gallagher's own translation)While Dom Lorenzo says heart (and Ignatius says soul) it seems obvious to me that they're talking about the same thing - and seeing a similar result:
The first rule: in persons who are going from mortal sin to mortal sin, the enemy is ordinarily accustomed to propose apparent pleasures to them, leading them to imagine sensual delights and pleasures in order to hold them more and make them grow in their vices and sins. - The First Rule of St. Ignatius (Fr. Gallagher's own translation)
Here, St. Ignatius talks about Satan working through the imagination, as does Dom Lorenzo. Where St. Ignatius tell us that the enemy leads people, Dom Lorenzo says the destroyer encourages them on their way.
The Significance
And while I'm not going from mortal sin to sin, I do struggle a LOT. Because of this, and the coincidence of these two passages, I wonder if I might not fall somewhere in the gray zone between the first and second rule. Or, if I'm not, maybe it was no coincidence that my attention was drawn to that particular passage.
Certainly, when I was in the new age, I WAS one of those people Dom Lorenzo is talking about when he describes people who allow the enemy to fill "their imagination with empty ideas, making them believe that they already taste the joys of Paradise."
The question is, why is my attention being drawn to this information now? Is it something I need to include in my ebook? Is it just a place I used to be or a place I'm in danger of returning to?
And what about my focus?
How outward focused am I? Am I focusing on the outward trappings of religion? Or of life? Am I too outward focused to be aware of the good spirit moving in my heart? What needs to change?
All good questions. I don't have the answers now, but I'm starting to pay attention.
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