Third Rule. The third is of spiritual consolation. I call it consolation when some interior movement is caused in the soul, through which the soul comes to be inflamed with love of its Creator and Lord, and consequently, when it can love no created thing on the face of the earth in itself, but only in the Creator of them all. Likewise when it sheds tears that move to love of its Lord, whether out of sorry for one's sins or for the passion of Christ our Lord or because of other things directly ordered to his service and praise. Finally, I call consolation every increase of hope, faith and charity, and all the interior joy that calls and attracts to heavenly things and to the salvation of one's soul, quieting it and giving it peace in its Creator and Lord. - The Rules St. Ignatius as translated by Fr. Timothy Gallagher in The Discernment of Spirits
What is Spiritual Consolation?
In The Discernment of Spirits, Fr. Gallagher explains that St. Ignatius thought of consolation as a happy, uplifting feeling that leads to a sense of peace. To me, consolation implies something that comes at a time of trouble or disquiet but this is not necessarily the case for St. Ignatius. And when I look at the synonyms for consolation I can see why.
According to Merriam Webster comfort, reassurance and solace are all synonyms for consolation. And when, you think about, these are things that are welcomed by most of us pretty anytime.
Especially if the comforter is God.
And that is the key part. Spiritual consolation per Fr. Gallagher impacts our life of faith. Ordinary consolation, as found in a friend's greeting or beautiful sunset does not, at least not necessarily, influence our walk with God.
A Five Part Rule
When I first read the third rule of St. Ignatius I felt completely overwhelmed. Not just by the length or by the language but by the standard I felt it set in describing a love of God so profound that the soul who experiences it "can love no created thing on the face of the earth in itself, but only in the Creator of them all."
I didn't feel that I could say that I loved only through God or that I even really understood what that meant. Luckily, however, there are four parts to the third rule. Loving no created thing in and of itself is one of five.
And I do mostly get the other four.
Many of us, I think, have felt our soul burn for God on at least one occasion. At times, it may burn so brightly that it illuminates other created things. To me, this is grace. The kind of grace that makes it possible to help and care for people who are not lovable on the surface.
And that bar reminded me of the bar set here:
We stay the course because we love God. But does our love for God ever burn so brightly, as St. Ignatius implies in the third rule, that it makes no other illumination possible?
Personally, speaking only for myself, it does not. And it's entirely possible it never will.
While, I appreciated Fr. Gallagher's example of a young seminarian whose love for God completely overwhelmed his attachment for the life he had left behind, I know that isn't me.
And to be honest, I think that's okay. One of the things I love about being Catholic, in fact, is knowing that we are on a spiritual path as opposed to having reached our destination. We are blessed to walk that path in the company of saints like Ignatius. But we are not them.
For me, this is the chasing part of Chasing the Saints, I know I'm not going to catch up or even necessarily keep the pace. But I'm happy to be headed in the right direction.
I didn't feel that I could say that I loved only through God or that I even really understood what that meant. Luckily, however, there are four parts to the third rule. Loving no created thing in and of itself is one of five.
And I do mostly get the other four.
1. The Consolation of Loving God
I call it consolation when some interior movement is caused in the soul, through which the soul comes to be inflamed with love of its Creator and Lord... - The Rules St. Ignatius as translated by Fr. Timothy Gallagher in The Discernment of Spirits
2. The Consolation of Loving Through God
I call it consolation ... when it [the soul] can love no created thing on the face of the earth in itself, but only in the Creator of them all. - The Rules St. Ignatius as translated by Fr. Timothy Gallagher in The Discernment of SpiritsThis was the part the third rule I found very hard to understand. Not only was it hard to understand but I felt that even if I did understand it, it was setting the bar impossibly high.
And that bar reminded me of the bar set here:
Whoever comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and even life itself, cannot be my disciple. - Luke 14:26 NRSVCEYes, that is Jesus talking and, yes, I always kind of hated that verse. But I do understand it. We move forward in our walk of faith, no matter what. No matter who is with us. No matter who is not.
We stay the course because we love God. But does our love for God ever burn so brightly, as St. Ignatius implies in the third rule, that it makes no other illumination possible?
Personally, speaking only for myself, it does not. And it's entirely possible it never will.
While, I appreciated Fr. Gallagher's example of a young seminarian whose love for God completely overwhelmed his attachment for the life he had left behind, I know that isn't me.
And to be honest, I think that's okay. One of the things I love about being Catholic, in fact, is knowing that we are on a spiritual path as opposed to having reached our destination. We are blessed to walk that path in the company of saints like Ignatius. But we are not them.
For me, this is the chasing part of Chasing the Saints, I know I'm not going to catch up or even necessarily keep the pace. But I'm happy to be headed in the right direction.
3. The Consolation of Tears
Likewise when it sheds tears that move to love of its Lord, whether out of sorry for one's sins or for the passion of Christ our Lord or because of other things directly ordered to his service and praise. The Rules St. Ignatius as translated by Fr. Timothy Gallagher in The Discernment of Spirits
Those tears are different then other tears because they are tears of spiritual consolation but they are not tears of spiritual consolation just because I'm praying but because they affect my life of faith.
Sometimes, we understand that affect clearly because of a special insight we are given. Sometimes the impact is a little harder to define, but it impacts us all the same.
4. The Consolation of Hope, Faith and Charity
Finally, I call consolation every increase of hope, faith and charity... - The Rules St. Ignatius as translated by Fr. Timothy Gallagher in The Discernment of SpiritsHope is, for me, a hallmark of God's leading but it can be tricky to divide what we think is hope from the sense of relief we sometimes get after making a difficult decision. Sometimes too desperation can look a bit like hope. So with hope (and faith and charity) I think it's important to allow yourself time to be with whatever it is your feeling and to turn to God in prayer.
5. The Consolation of Joy and Peace
...and all the interior joy that calls and attracts to heavenly things and to the salvation of one's soul, quieting it and giving it peace in its Creator and Lord. - The Rules St. Ignatius as translated by Fr. Timothy Gallagher in The Discernment of SpiritsThe consolation of joy and peace came into play for me this week in a big way. I had been struggling with decision about a new project. On one hand were all the things on my plate - my family, my garden, my still not completely renovated house plus my other creative projects.
And those projects were many. They included this blog, my BarbaraGraver.com creativity and faith website and my new Catholic printables etsy shop that is still very much in process. Adding another project on did not make sense, except that I thought maybe it could IF I used the podcasts I recorded as content on my creativity and faith site.
But it wasn't the reasoning (which always feels very much like rationalizing to me) that convinced me. It was the happy enthusiasm I felt for the project. Not just enthusiasm, a light upward pull of excitement and anticipation accompanied by a sense of peace around my decision. Maybe if I hadn't been studying the Third Rule at that particular point in time I would have missed it.
Attracting Heavenly Things
But I didn't miss it.
I felt happy about the project. I noticed that I was getting a lot of different inspired ideas for various podcast episodes. I kept running into information about podcasting and other people who love podcasting. I thought about what St. Ignatius said about a joy that attracts heavenly things. I talked to God. And when I still felt the same happy upward pull I decided to go for it.
So now there's another iron in the fire. It's called the Creativity and Faith Podcast and it is already a lot of work. But the podcast website is done (CreativityAndFaith.com) and there is a podcast page on my website (BarbaraGraver.com) and the first episode, such as it is, is up there.
There is still a LOT more to do, but isn't there always? And really, isn't that just how life works? Or as my grandmother used to say, I'll rest when I'm dead. Because right now, I'm having fun.
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And in case you're interested, here is podcast one. For podcast two I'm promising everyone a proper intro complete with voice over and music!
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| The Repentant St. Mary Magdalene by Domenico Fetti |
Today is the feast of St. Mary Magdalene sometimes called the Apostle to the Apostles.
Mary Magdalene in the Bible
St. Mary Magdalene was a follower of Jesus, one of several women said to have helped support his ministry. While scripture does not support the claim that she was a prostitute (or the woman with the alabaster jar), the Bible does she was the woman from whom Jesus cast seven demons.
St. Mary Magdalene watched the crucifixion from a distance along with the other women who followed Jesus during His ministry. After His burial, visiting his tomb to anoint his body only to find the stone rolled away and found the living Christ, sitting at the place they laid Him. She was the first witness to His resurrection and made the miracle of His resurrection known to the Apostles.
St. Mary Magdalene and the Rudderless Boat
According to legend, St. Mary Magdalene remained among the early Christians after Christ’s ascension. And was allegedly put into a boat, some fourteen years later, along with several other saints of the early Church, and set adrift without sails or oars. Some believe that the boat landed in southern France, where she spent the remaining years of her life living in solitude, in a cave.
Mary Magdalene and the Red Egg
According to tradition, St.Mary Magdalene, gained an audience with the Roman emperor after the resurrection of Jesus. She denounced Pilate for his handling of Jesus' trial and then began to tell Caesar about Jesus' resurrection.
She picked up a hen's egg from the dinner table to illustrate her point about resurrection. Caesar was unmoved and replied that there was as much chance of a human being returning to life as there was for the egg to turn red. Immediately, the egg miraculously turned red in her hand!
It is because of this tradition that Orthodox Christians exchange red eggs at Easter.
The Power of Mary Magdalene
St. Mary Magdalene's feast day is July 22. She is the patroness of converts, repentant sinners, sexual temptation, pharmacists, tanners and women, and many other places and causes.
The mystery, honor and legend that surround St. Mary Magdalene appeal to many, both in and outside of the church. She is one of the saints, in fact, who helped draw me back to Christianity after seven years in the new age and occult. So it is important to me to honor her today.
What is the Examen Prayer?
The examen prayer is a prayer recommended by St. Ignatius of Loyola and discussed in Fr. Timothy Gallagher's OMV book The Examen Prayer: Ignatian Wisdom for Our Lives which I am currently reading. In it Fr. Gallagher presents the Examen prayer as a five step process that will help us develop relationship with God in our everyday life.
Essentially the examen helps us to examine our day with God and develop an awareness of God in our lives. For me, the examen goes hand and hand with the first fourteen rules of Ignatian discernment because it really does teach us how to see the movement of the good and bad spirits that Ignatius talks about in the rules.
Praying the Examen
The steps of the examen as presented by Fr. Gallagher are, in paraphrase:
Transition. Become aware of the love God has for you.
- Gratitude. Notice the gifts God has has given you over the course of the day and thank him.
- Petition. Ask God for insight and strength in order to make your examen a fruitful work grace.
- Review. Review your day with God. Look for the ways God has stirred your heart and the thoughts He has given you. Look for those ways and thoughts that were not of God. Review your choices in response to all of this and the other choice's you made throughout the day.
- Forgiveness. I ask for forgiveness and healing and allow God to remove your burdens.
- Renewal. Make plans with God about specific ways you can live tomorrow in accord with His loving desire for your life.
Transition. Conclude with prayer and an awareness of God's presence in your examen.
While these steps will get you started Fr. Gallagher's book on the examen can provide some very valuable insights well beyond the scope of this post.
My First Experience with the Examen
I first prayed the examen just before bed on Tuesday July 8th - not long after I'd an insight about how I needed to focus more on my internal reality (see Spiritual Combat & Outward Attachment) in order to be discerning.
As I entered into prayer, I found it surprisingly hard to recall the events of the day. This showed me how very un-examined my life actually is! But I was able to remember most of what had happened.
I talked / prayed about how good I had felt about working in the garden earlier that day, how happy I had been to help a family member in a minor way and how grateful I was for a certain conversation. I saw how God was in all those things and regretted that I had not been aware of it at the time.
I expressed regret for wasting time on unimportant things, skipping the rosary and being impatient with others.
I talked about the insight God had given me earlier that evening - about being too focused on exterior things - and began to understand that it was my own spiritual lack of awareness that had made it necessary for God to make what seemed like an obvious move toward me in the first place.
This insight seemed important. And I realized how unfocused and dull I really am, in a spiritual sense, and how being focused outward is definitely a part of the problem.
I asked for forgiveness and healing and help to do better today. I planned my day with God but I was very tired and didn't get far. I decided only two things really, to get up early and say the rosary and to not let my media consumption cause me to pray the examen late again tonight.
This morning, I was struck by how helpful the rules of Ignatius and the examen prayer already are for me. I have a long, long way to go and the truth is that there is no "getting there." But I am grateful to feel that I have finally and truly begun the journey.
This week's post was supposed to be on the third and fourth rules for spiritual discernment as presented by Fr. Timothy Gallagher and St. Ignatius. But I have found it necessary to take my time with the Rules, just as I found it necessary to take my time with Interior Castle.
Sure I can zoom through the rules and write a series of blog posts on what I think they mean but if I don't slow down and actually apply them, I won't really benefit and neither will anyone who reads what I write about the process.
So I've spent the past week trying to establish a spiritual routine that includes a night examen. My success rate has NOT been 100% but I know that I have to keep at it til it is.
In many ways, working with the Rules is subtle. We have to train ourselves to be aware of the inner movements of our heart and the affects of the good spirit and the bad. We can't do that unless we are paying close attention, not only to the events of our day but to our inner responses to those events.
In this, the examen is an incomparable resource.
The Examen in the Process of Spiritual Discernment
This week's post was supposed to be on the third and fourth rules for spiritual discernment as presented by Fr. Timothy Gallagher and St. Ignatius. But I have found it necessary to take my time with the Rules, just as I found it necessary to take my time with Interior Castle.
Sure I can zoom through the rules and write a series of blog posts on what I think they mean but if I don't slow down and actually apply them, I won't really benefit and neither will anyone who reads what I write about the process.
So I've spent the past week trying to establish a spiritual routine that includes a night examen. My success rate has NOT been 100% but I know that I have to keep at it til it is.
In many ways, working with the Rules is subtle. We have to train ourselves to be aware of the inner movements of our heart and the affects of the good spirit and the bad. We can't do that unless we are paying close attention, not only to the events of our day but to our inner responses to those events.
In this, the examen is an incomparable resource.
Spiritual Combat by Dom LorenzoSpiritual Combat by Dom Lorenzo was first published in 1589. It is said that St. Francis de Sales read from it and often recommended it to those under his spiritual direction.
I've had Dom Lorenzo's book on kindle for some time but have never gotten around to reading it. Then, on Tuesday, the day after I wrote my second post on the rules of St. Ignatius, I watched a video on YouTube that included a reading of the first chapter of Spiritual Combat.
I decided to read along on my kindle. About halfway into the first chapter, the following passage jumped out at me.
The situation is much different with those who ignorantly place their devotion in external acts... They are so attached to these acts that they utterly neglect to watch the inner movements of their hearts... It is then that this destroyer... not only encourages them to go on their way, but fills their imagination with empty ideas, making them believe that they already taste the joys of Paradise... - Spiritual Combat by Dom Lorenzo
This passage reminded me of the rules of St. Ignatius. Because I had just written about St. Ignatius and the discernment of spirits the day before, the material was fresh in my mind.
Why I Paid Special Attention to the Passage
I paid special attention to the passage about people who are focused on exterior devotions because it reminded me of what I'd recently read about the rules of St. Ignatius. This is the first of two passages from the rules that I found similar to what I read in Spiritual Combat.
Rules for becoming aware and understanding to some extent the different movements which are caused in the soul, the good, to receive them, and the bad to reject them. - Title to the Rules of St. Ignatius (Fr. Gallagher's own translation)While Dom Lorenzo says heart (and Ignatius says soul) it seems obvious to me that they're talking about the same thing - and seeing a similar result:
The first rule: in persons who are going from mortal sin to mortal sin, the enemy is ordinarily accustomed to propose apparent pleasures to them, leading them to imagine sensual delights and pleasures in order to hold them more and make them grow in their vices and sins. - The First Rule of St. Ignatius (Fr. Gallagher's own translation)
Here, St. Ignatius talks about Satan working through the imagination, as does Dom Lorenzo. Where St. Ignatius tell us that the enemy leads people, Dom Lorenzo says the destroyer encourages them on their way.
The Significance
And while I'm not going from mortal sin to sin, I do struggle a LOT. Because of this, and the coincidence of these two passages, I wonder if I might not fall somewhere in the gray zone between the first and second rule. Or, if I'm not, maybe it was no coincidence that my attention was drawn to that particular passage.
Certainly, when I was in the new age, I WAS one of those people Dom Lorenzo is talking about when he describes people who allow the enemy to fill "their imagination with empty ideas, making them believe that they already taste the joys of Paradise."
The question is, why is my attention being drawn to this information now? Is it something I need to include in my ebook? Is it just a place I used to be or a place I'm in danger of returning to?
And what about my focus?
How outward focused am I? Am I focusing on the outward trappings of religion? Or of life? Am I too outward focused to be aware of the good spirit moving in my heart? What needs to change?
All good questions. I don't have the answers now, but I'm starting to pay attention.
About St. Ignatius's Rules for Discernment
This is my second post on Fr. Timothy Gallagher's book The Discernment of Spirits: An Ignatian Guide for Everyday Living. The book is an exploration of the first set of rules of St. Ignatius of Loyola.
The second set of rules is covered in Fr. Gallagher's book, Spiritual Consolation: An Ignatian Guide for Greater Discernment of Spirits.
St. Ignatius refers to the two sets as being "proper" for the first and second week respectively. I think he is talking about the first and second weeks of a retreat so I wanted to be sure I began with the first set - which focus on the discernment of spirits.
St. Ignatius's rules are intended to help an individual differentiate between the influence of good and bad spirits. According to Fr. Gallagher, and others, Ignatius understood the good spirit to be the Holy Spirit or created spirits such as angels, while he understood the bad spirit (which he also called the enemy or evil spirit) to be Satan or demons.
Fr. Gallagher goes on to suggest that the bad spirit can also be understood in a broader or more "global" sense. This expanded understanding of bad spirit would include human (or fleshly) nature and appetites or worldly pressures. These influences, per Fr. Gallagher, are exerted in addition to (but not instead of) demonic influences.
While I tend to be, probably unusually, aware of the spirit in spiritual warfare, I like that this updated or more inclusive approach makes the rules accessible to people who may not be comfortable thinking about the influence of personified evil.
I think Fr. Gallagher's book is especially important because it opens up the rules to general (as opposed to scholarly or specialized) readers. It would be easy for most of us (general readers) to skim over the rules of St. Ignatius without realizing their deeper meaning. Thanks to Fr. Gallagher's insightful word by word analysis, however, the rules really do come alive.
The Process for Working with the Rules
Rules for becoming aware and understanding to some extent the different movements which are caused in the soul, the good, to receive them, and the bad to reject them. And these rules are more proper for the first week. - Title to the Rules of St. Ignatius (Fr. Gallagher's own translation)
According to the title of the rules (and Fr. Gallagher) there is a process that we need to apply as we practice our discernment and work with the rules. This process asks us to:
- Be fully aware of our inner state.
- Understand or identify where the influences we observe are coming from.
- Take action (by accepting the good spirit or rejecting the bad).
This, of course, is easier said than done which is why the fourteen rules are so important.
The First Rule
The first rule: in persons who are going from mortal sin to moral sin, the enemy is ordinarily accustomed to propose apparent pleasures to them, leading them to imagine sensual delights and pleasures in order to hold them more and make them grow in their vices and sings. In these persons the good spirit uses a contrary method, stinging and biting their consciences through the rational power of moral judgment. - First Rule of St. Ignatius (Fr. Gallagher's own translation)
The first rule describes someone who is going from mortal sin to mortal sin. This is a person, Fr. Gallagher points out, who is moving away from God. According the the rules the enemy will entice such a person to go further and further in this direction by leading them to imagine pleasure and sensual delights.
What is key to the first rule, per St. Ignatius's own personal experience, is that there is no lasting satisfaction for a person in this state. This can be seen in people who are caught in any sort of addiction or insatiable appetite - including the New Age hunger I once felt for the next supernatural experience!
In such a person, the good spirit (such as God or our guardian angel) will work through our conscience in order to wake us up to the reality of what is happening. As Fr. Gallagher points out, the good spirit may also work through other people who support or encourage us.
While Ignatius is specifically talking about a person who is in mortal sin, to me, this description of going from sin to sin applies to even venial, or lesser, sins. I can see the same serial pattern when I watch two or three TV shows in a row and end up with no time to pray before bed - or eat four (or six) cookies instead of two.
The enemy must, in my experience, continually offer us something new because what he has just fed us cannot, and will never, fulfill.
The Second Rule
The second: in persons who are going on intensely purifying their sins and rising from good to better in the service of God our Lord, the method is contrary to that in the first rule. For then it is proper to the evil spirit to bite, sadden and place obstacles, disquieting with false reasons, so that the person may not go forward. And it is proper to the good spirit to give courage and strength, consolations, tears, inspirations and quiet, easing and taking away all obstacles, so that the person may go forward in doing good. - Second Rule of St. Ignatius (Fr. Gallagher's own translation)
The second rule applies to people who are actively going from "good to better" or are moving, as Fr. Gallagher says, in the direction of God. Initially I wasn't sure if this was me (even though Fr. Gallagher says that anyone who is working at spiritual discernment is very likely to be in this category).
As I read Discernment of Spirits, however, I began to appreciate the fine but fundamental difference between the actions of the good and the bad spirit - both in the book and in my own life. They are, as Ignatius says, contrary.
The good spirit has the weight of truth on his side. Because the bad spirit does not, he must confuse and demoralize us. The good spirit on the other hand meets us with compassion and peace (quiet and easing), granting us the courage of faith.
In the following examples, I want to share how the first and second rules helped me when I was waffling over the new project of changing my blog to a blog that would focus exclusively on the teachings of the saints.
In the following examples, I want to share how the first and second rules helped me when I was waffling over the new project of changing my blog to a blog that would focus exclusively on the teachings of the saints.
How the Bad Spirit Confused Me
For God is a God not of disorder but of peace. - 1 Corinthians 14:33 (NRSVCE)
The day I made the video about renaming the blog and focusing on the teaching of the saints, I felt optimistic and happy. I felt so good, in fact, that I'd purchased the Chasing the Saints dot com earlier that morning. When I talked to a trusted and sincere friend about the idea she was very encouraging. I felt glad to have decided on a topic for the blog that would help keep me focused on my studies and possibly encourage others.
A day later, however, I started to feel unhappy with the idea.
I began to think about how unqualified I was to write on the topic of the saints when so many more educated people were already doing it. When I reminded myself that my plan was to talk about what I am learning and how I am applying it to my own life (not a scholarly analysis), I found myself worrying about my readership.
I remembered that my most popular recent posts have been about writing. I began to worry that no one would read the new posts and that, if they did, they wouldn't like them. I thought about how the popularity of the blog had just begun to pick up and wondered why I had ever thought it was a good idea to jeopardize that.
I started to feel that I should just do something else entirely. I began to think about the various book ideas I'd been kicking around and how it was my original idea to use the rules of St. Ignatius to decide which book I should write. I wondered why I wasting my time by blogging and felt I should be focusing on writing the ebook instead.
At this point I felt unhappy and confused about the whole idea of blogging on the saints. The next day I canceled the new domain.
The Influence of the Good
But even after I canceled the domain, I kept thinking about the idea. I decided to pray about it and had what may, or may not, have been a spiritual experience the next day. Because I don't base decisions on spiritual experiences, perceived or otherwise, I set it aside. Then I remembered what my trustworthy friend had said about the idea and how right her encouragement and enthusiasm had felt at the time.
I remembered how (after I wrote my Creativity and Discernment post) I had realized that using the rules to decide which new ebook I should write was not starting from neutral as Fr. Gallagher had recommended in his EWTN talk. I remembered having the specific insight that I should not rule out blogging favor of the ebook idea.
I thought about the negative thoughts I had been having about the new blog idea. And then I thought about the nature of God. I remembered that God is always true to his divine nature and the he doesn't move us by making us feel insecure or unworthy or by offering us popularity or other worldly gains.
I decided to reject the negative thoughts and accept the influence of the good spirit as he worked through my friend and Fr. Gallagher's book and St. Ignatius.
I felt at peace with the idea. I had to wait a day for my new domain to become available again and when it did, I bought it a second time.
Upcoming
Read my previous post on St. Ignatius here: Spiritual Discernment and Writing with St. Ignatius
In this video I talk about the new direction of the blog (blogging about the saints) and my new blog domain, ChasingTheSaints.com. There are so many different things that led to this decision that it will take an entire post to tell the story - which probably won't get written until the middle of next month or later.
What I want to let everybody know here is that Chasing the Saints is not going to be a 'lives of the saints' blog OR an academic "here is what the saints taught" blog, though I might occasionally dip into those things - lightly. Instead, my idea, is to share what I'm learning about the teaching and practices of the saints and how I'm applying it my own life - practically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
Right now, the menu is a little sparse. But I'll be adding posts (over time) on the methods of the mystic saints (like St. Teresa of Avila), the more right brained saints (like St. Ignatius), the health and wellness saints (like St. Hildegard, who was also a mystic) and more.
There is so much more, in fact, I almost don't know where to start.
But since I have already begun with St. Ignatius and the discernment of spirits, I'm going to continue with that series - but will be posting on other things in between. Next week, I will be writing on lectio divina as taught by St. John of the Cross.
And even though this isn't a "how it all happened" post I do want to share a picture of the metal print that I discovered in my attic just after I began to learn about St. Therese Of Lisieux. It is not actually a painting, as I said in the video (according to my son) but an antique lithograph. Either way, it meant something to me to be reading about this beautiful saint and then realizing the the old tin image at the back of the attic was actually her likeness.
The lithograph came to us rusted and there are other cleaner images of St. Therese available (for a price) but I love this one. Especially because my son insisted on getting it for me at the flea market long before I came back to the church. I barely gave it a glance, thinking it was just "some nun," but my son was so drawn to it, he bought it himself.
He does not go to Mass, as of now, but this gives me hope.
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| St. Therese Of Lisieux, the Little Flower, who died on September 30, 1897, at the age of 24. |
In my last post I gave a short introduction to Fr. Timothy Gallagher's work on St. Ignatius. I also promised a blog series on my process with Fr. Gallagher's books on discernment, Discerning the Will of God and The Discernment of Spirits. It's my idea to apply the rules of St. Ignatius to my own creative dilemma.
This post is the first in that series.
The Dilemma
I have a lot of issues around my writing. When I try to write fiction my writing usually takes on a life of its own and goes places I don't want it to go. When I try to write book length nonfiction I experience a LOT of self-doubt. I sometimes wrestle with new ideas for the blog and occasionally wonder if blogging is worth the time and effort.
These doubts presents in various but related ways: I don't feel qualified to write on any of the various ebook topics I come up with. When I try to qualify myself by writing about my experiences in an introduction, I feel like I'm bragging. When I read back over what I've written I almost always dislike it. I worry that if I put it out there no one will read or, if they do, they'll hate it.
These doubts presents in various but related ways: I don't feel qualified to write on any of the various ebook topics I come up with. When I try to qualify myself by writing about my experiences in an introduction, I feel like I'm bragging. When I read back over what I've written I almost always dislike it. I worry that if I put it out there no one will read or, if they do, they'll hate it.
I have had experiences that can explain the low self-esteem that feeds into these doubts. I also feel that spiritual warfare plays a part and believe that my past involvement in the new age and occult puts me at above average risk. According to experts that is not unlikely.
Archdiocese of Denver exorcist Fr. Chad Ripperger lists past involvement in the occult as one of three ways a person can open a door to diabolic interference. The other two are mortal sin and having had experiences that Father refers to as "very disordered."
This makes me three for three.
Archdiocese of Denver exorcist Fr. Chad Ripperger lists past involvement in the occult as one of three ways a person can open a door to diabolic interference. The other two are mortal sin and having had experiences that Father refers to as "very disordered."
This makes me three for three.
Because of all this, I struggle with my writing, pray about my writing and try to work through my issues with writing in journal entries and blog posts.
The process I wrote about in my recent nonfiction book idea article (now on my new website here) did help me come up with two potential nonfiction book projects. One that I felt drawn to (my personal testimony) and one I perceived as easier to write (a short ebook on blogging).
My Ideas
The process I wrote about in my recent nonfiction book idea article (now on my new website here) did help me come up with two potential nonfiction book projects. One that I felt drawn to (my personal testimony) and one I perceived as easier to write (a short ebook on blogging).
My idea for writing my testimony was to talk about the occult but not only the occult. I also wanted to talk about the Church and the many ways my Catholic faith has helped me. This is a book I've been trying to write for some time. But each time I make the attempt, whether sooner or later, I get to a point where I am BESET by doubt.
Questions overwhelm me. Most go something like this: What makes you think you're qualified to write book like this? Can you hear how conceited you sound? Do you actually think anyone will read and / or like this?
To further muddy the waters, I have been thinking of reopening my etsy shop and focusing on religious art and and the buying and selling of vintage religious items. Because my youngest son is active on ebay and my middle boy has some interest in sculpting their is a possibility that this could be a family activity.
Unfortunately, when it comes to art, I have a lot of insecurities, different than but almost as toxic as those I have around writing.
And then there is the blog. Which I kind of always feel good about, even though I do change things a lot and sometimes worry that I'm wasting my (kind of limited) time with it.
Questions overwhelm me. Most go something like this: What makes you think you're qualified to write book like this? Can you hear how conceited you sound? Do you actually think anyone will read and / or like this?
To further muddy the waters, I have been thinking of reopening my etsy shop and focusing on religious art and and the buying and selling of vintage religious items. Because my youngest son is active on ebay and my middle boy has some interest in sculpting their is a possibility that this could be a family activity.
Unfortunately, when it comes to art, I have a lot of insecurities, different than but almost as toxic as those I have around writing.
And then there is the blog. Which I kind of always feel good about, even though I do change things a lot and sometimes worry that I'm wasting my (kind of limited) time with it.
Bigger Questions
I believe that all these doubts are a product of spiritual warfare working through my own low self-esteem but that doesn't make it any easier really to dismiss them. So I wonder if writing my testimony is part of God's plan for my life. I wonder if writing - in any way, shape or form - is part of God's plan for my life.
I wonder if God wants me to focus on my family instead. I wonder if God would prefer for me to be a better mom to my three grownup sons (two of whom have very serious medical problems), take better care of the house in which we all live, make better meals, finish stripping and staining the woodwork in the front hall, take better care of the strawberries that are being choked out by weeds.
I often think that if God were really on board with the writing idea, I'd know. Or at least not have all of these questions. I ask myself if my ability to get lost in my writing means I have a vocation or if it just means that I find writing easier than sanding the front steps or pulling weeds.
I wonder if God wants me to focus on my family instead. I wonder if God would prefer for me to be a better mom to my three grownup sons (two of whom have very serious medical problems), take better care of the house in which we all live, make better meals, finish stripping and staining the woodwork in the front hall, take better care of the strawberries that are being choked out by weeds.
I often think that if God were really on board with the writing idea, I'd know. Or at least not have all of these questions. I ask myself if my ability to get lost in my writing means I have a vocation or if it just means that I find writing easier than sanding the front steps or pulling weeds.
Through prayer and reflection I've distilled all of these concerns into a few larger questions. Does God want me to write a book? Or do art? Or completely dedicate myself to family?
If He does want me to write a book, what kind of book - and on what?
If He does want me to write a book, what kind of book - and on what?
These were the kind of questions rattling around in my head when I first heard Fr. Timothy Gallagher speak on EWTN and these are the questions I hoped I thought I might be able to answer through Father's books on St. Ignatius, founder of the Jesuits, and author of the 14 Rules of Ignatian Discernment.
Deciding on What I Should Decide On
I began with Fr. Gallagher's second book, Discerning the Will of God, because that was precisely what I was trying to do. I didn't get far in, however, before I realized that I needed to read Father's first book - which explained the 14 Rules of St. Ignatius in detail - first.
Although I haven't gotten far with Discerning the Will of God, there was something in that bit I did read that made a lot of sense to me. This was the idea that 14 rules shouldn't be applied to anything that scripture or Church tradition clearly defines as morally necessary - because those kind of decisions can be made based on info we already have.
Morally necessary activities would include, for example, commitments like caring for our family. So clearly, wherever God led me I would be expected to continue making my home and family a priority in my life. I found that surprisingly reassuring.
Morally necessary activities would include, for example, commitments like caring for our family. So clearly, wherever God led me I would be expected to continue making my home and family a priority in my life. I found that surprisingly reassuring.
The Rules of St. Ignatius then are for discerning between morally acceptable, good and better, choices. Because my vocational decisions were morally acceptable they could be examined through the 14 rules. So I came up five questions about vocation wrote them out as questions.
- Can I effectively combine creative activity with the responsibilities of home and family - and is doing so part of God's plan for my life?
- If I determine that creative activity is part of God's plan for me - what kind of projects would be best?
- If I discern that God favors writing - should I write fiction or nonfiction or both?
- If the answer to #3 is nonfiction - what specific book project would align with God's plan for my life?
- Is it possible for me to do more than one creative activity or project (such as two different books or art plus writing) - and could that be God's will?
- Where does the blog fit in in all of this?
The Entry Point
At that point it occurred to me that Fr. Gallagher had made in his talk on EWTN was worth looking at. It is what Father refers to as the entry point or necessary condition for working with the rules.
This necessary condition is to be completely open to the will of God. This openness, Fr. Gallagher explained, should present as an attitude of absolutely neutrality.
While neutrality means that we should be completely unattached to any given outcome, Fr. Gallagher also pointed out that it is beneficial to have a bias toward the outcome that is most in line with the teaching of Jesus. Examples would be the outcome that pays less, has less statues or provides the greatest opportunity for service. I believe that Father called this a beneficial predisposition.
I felt I was very close to a beneficial disposition in terms of my family because I want to do my best for them even if it means sacrificing other things that are important to me. I felt that I had a beneficial disposition toward art because one of the reasons it attracted me was that I felt it might be more conducive to family life.
I knew I wasn't completely beneficially predisposed in terms of my writing. I really don't care about making money with any future ebook which was good. My overriding desire with nonfiction is to be of some help to people which was also good. My overriding desire with fiction is to entertain people. I could see that I had a bias toward being well-received, however, and that it was very important to me that people liked my writing. I knew I had a strong attachment to writing a nonfiction book but thought that it might be possible to fulfill this need through blogging.
I know that I need to pray about my particular biases but feel that, for now, having an awareness of them might be enough. So I feel that it does make sense to go forward and work with the 14 Rules of St. Ignatius as presented in The Discernment of Spirits.
Which means, as it turns out, that this series will probably focus on Fr. Gallagher's first book on Ignatius though it is possible that the series will spill over into book number two.
I know that I'm expecting a lot of Fr. Gallagher and St. Ignatius and am very aware that I have a lot of confusion around vocation for many of different reasons.
There are so many different things to consider, in fact, that I can't help thinking that it will be pretty darned miraculous if St. Ignatius CAN help clear it all up. But instead of feeling discouraged by that thought, I feel reassured. While that may seem counter intuitive, to me, it makes sense.
Saints are named saints, after all, because of the miracles they do.
I knew I wasn't completely beneficially predisposed in terms of my writing. I really don't care about making money with any future ebook which was good. My overriding desire with nonfiction is to be of some help to people which was also good. My overriding desire with fiction is to entertain people. I could see that I had a bias toward being well-received, however, and that it was very important to me that people liked my writing. I knew I had a strong attachment to writing a nonfiction book but thought that it might be possible to fulfill this need through blogging.
Where I Ended Up
I know that I need to pray about my particular biases but feel that, for now, having an awareness of them might be enough. So I feel that it does make sense to go forward and work with the 14 Rules of St. Ignatius as presented in The Discernment of Spirits.
Which means, as it turns out, that this series will probably focus on Fr. Gallagher's first book on Ignatius though it is possible that the series will spill over into book number two.
I know that I'm expecting a lot of Fr. Gallagher and St. Ignatius and am very aware that I have a lot of confusion around vocation for many of different reasons.
There are so many different things to consider, in fact, that I can't help thinking that it will be pretty darned miraculous if St. Ignatius CAN help clear it all up. But instead of feeling discouraged by that thought, I feel reassured. While that may seem counter intuitive, to me, it makes sense.
Saints are named saints, after all, because of the miracles they do.
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Please check out my second post in this series (St. Ignatius and the Discernment of Spirits) for a discussion of Fr. Gallagher's introduction to the rules and rules one and two as I am applying them.
Father Timothy Gallagher teaches on St. Ignatius and discerning the will of God. I first heard Fr. Gallagher teach on this topic on EWTN and it really struck a chord with me. So much so that I ordered not one but TWO of his books, Discerning the Will of God, and The Discernment of Spirits.
I'm hoping that these books will help me better understand Saint Ignatius and his work on discernment AND how to apply it in my own life.
On of the reasons I feel I need to focus on this topic is because spiritual warfare has been such a problem for me lately, it has been very hard to decide between various ebook projects. I'm going to be talking more on the topic of spiritual warfare in my next post. I'm also planning to do a short blog series on my process with Fr. Gallagher's books.
I've also been feeling called to shift emphasis in the blog (and in my life) to focus more on spiritual formation. I'll still be blogging on Catholic books, religious art and creative writing, of course, but I'm planning to do more posts on my faith - including my spiritual struggles.
So if these topics are of interest to you please check back!
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