In this video I talk about the new direction of the blog (blogging about the saints) and my new blog domain, ChasingTheSaints.com. There are so many different things that led to this decision that it will take an entire post to tell the story - which probably won't get written until the middle of next month or later.
What I want to let everybody know here is that Chasing the Saints is not going to be a 'lives of the saints' blog OR an academic "here is what the saints taught" blog, though I might occasionally dip into those things - lightly. Instead, my idea, is to share what I'm learning about the teaching and practices of the saints and how I'm applying it my own life - practically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
Right now, the menu is a little sparse. But I'll be adding posts (over time) on the methods of the mystic saints (like St. Teresa of Avila), the more right brained saints (like St. Ignatius), the health and wellness saints (like St. Hildegard, who was also a mystic) and more.
There is so much more, in fact, I almost don't know where to start.
But since I have already begun with St. Ignatius and the discernment of spirits, I'm going to continue with that series - but will be posting on other things in between. Next week, I will be writing on lectio divina as taught by St. John of the Cross.
And even though this isn't a "how it all happened" post I do want to share a picture of the metal print that I discovered in my attic just after I began to learn about St. Therese Of Lisieux. It is not actually a painting, as I said in the video (according to my son) but an antique lithograph. Either way, it meant something to me to be reading about this beautiful saint and then realizing the the old tin image at the back of the attic was actually her likeness.
The lithograph came to us rusted and there are other cleaner images of St. Therese available (for a price) but I love this one. Especially because my son insisted on getting it for me at the flea market long before I came back to the church. I barely gave it a glance, thinking it was just "some nun," but my son was so drawn to it, he bought it himself.
He does not go to Mass, as of now, but this gives me hope.
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| St. Therese Of Lisieux, the Little Flower, who died on September 30, 1897, at the age of 24. |
In my last post I gave a short introduction to Fr. Timothy Gallagher's work on St. Ignatius. I also promised a blog series on my process with Fr. Gallagher's books on discernment, Discerning the Will of God and The Discernment of Spirits and how I'm applying the content to my own creative dilemma.
This post is the first in that series.
The Dilemma
I have a lot of issues around my writing. When I try to write fiction my writing usually takes on a life of its own and goes places I don't want it to go. When I try to write book length nonfiction I experience a LOT of self-doubt. I wrestle with new ideas for the blog.
This doubt presents in various but related ways: I don't feel qualified to write on the various ebook topics I've chosen. When I try to qualify myself I feel like I'm bragging. When I read back over what I've written I almost always dislike it. I worry that if I put it out there no one will read or, if they do, they'll hate it.
This doubt presents in various but related ways: I don't feel qualified to write on the various ebook topics I've chosen. When I try to qualify myself I feel like I'm bragging. When I read back over what I've written I almost always dislike it. I worry that if I put it out there no one will read or, if they do, they'll hate it.
I have some unresolved family of origin issues that can explain a lot of this doubt. I also feel that spiritual warfare plays a part and believe that my past involvement in the new age and occult puts me at above average risk. According to experts that is no unlikely.
Archdiocese of Denver exorcist Fr. Chad Ripperger lists past involvement in the occult as one of three ways a person can open a door to diabolic interference. The other two are mortal sin and having something happen to you that Father refers to as "very disordered."
This makes me three for three.
Archdiocese of Denver exorcist Fr. Chad Ripperger lists past involvement in the occult as one of three ways a person can open a door to diabolic interference. The other two are mortal sin and having something happen to you that Father refers to as "very disordered."
This makes me three for three.
Because of all this, I struggle with my writing, pray about my writing and try to work through my issues with writing in journal entries and blog posts.
The process I wrote about in the book idea article was a combination of original and borrowed ideas (distilled from the many self-help advice books I've read over the years) that I thought might be helpful in coming up with solid nonfiction book ideas. Applying that process to my own writing, left me with two potential nonfiction book projects. One that I felt drawn to (my personal testimony) and one I perceived as easier (a short ebook on blogging).
My Ideas
The process I wrote about in the book idea article was a combination of original and borrowed ideas (distilled from the many self-help advice books I've read over the years) that I thought might be helpful in coming up with solid nonfiction book ideas. Applying that process to my own writing, left me with two potential nonfiction book projects. One that I felt drawn to (my personal testimony) and one I perceived as easier (a short ebook on blogging).
My idea for writing my testimony was to talk about the occult but not only the occult. I also wanted to talk about the Church and the many ways it has has helped me. This is a book I've been trying to write for some time. But each time I make the attempt, whether sooner or later, I get to a point where I am BESET by doubt.
Questions overwhelm me and go something like this: What makes you think you're qualified to write book like this? Can you hear how conceited you sound? Do you actually think anyone will read and / or like this?
To further muddy the waters, I have been thinking of reopening my etsy shop and focusing on religious art and and the buying and selling of vintage religious items. Because my youngest son is active on ebay and my middle boy has some interest in sculpting their is a possibility that this could be a family activity.
Unfortunately, when it comes to art, I have a lot of insecurities, different than but almost as strong as those I have around writing.
And then there is the blog. Which I kind of always feel good about, even though I do change things a lot.
Questions overwhelm me and go something like this: What makes you think you're qualified to write book like this? Can you hear how conceited you sound? Do you actually think anyone will read and / or like this?
To further muddy the waters, I have been thinking of reopening my etsy shop and focusing on religious art and and the buying and selling of vintage religious items. Because my youngest son is active on ebay and my middle boy has some interest in sculpting their is a possibility that this could be a family activity.
Unfortunately, when it comes to art, I have a lot of insecurities, different than but almost as strong as those I have around writing.
And then there is the blog. Which I kind of always feel good about, even though I do change things a lot.
Bigger Questions
I believe that all these doubts are a product of spiritual warfare working through my own low self-esteem but that doesn't make it any easier really to dismiss them. So I wonder if writing my testimony is part of God's plan for my life. I wonder if writing - in any way, shape or form - is part of God's plan for my life.
I wonder if God wants me to focus on my family instead. I wonder if God would prefer for me to be a better mom to my three grownup sons (two of whom have very serious medical problems), take better care of the house in which we all live, make better meals, finish stripping and staining the woodwork in the front hall, take better care of the strawberries that are being choked out by weeds.
I often think that if God were really on board with the writing idea, I'd know. Or at least not have all of these questions. I ask myself if my ability to get lost in my writing means I have a vocation or if it just means that I find writing easier than sanding the front steps or pulling weeds.
I wonder if God wants me to focus on my family instead. I wonder if God would prefer for me to be a better mom to my three grownup sons (two of whom have very serious medical problems), take better care of the house in which we all live, make better meals, finish stripping and staining the woodwork in the front hall, take better care of the strawberries that are being choked out by weeds.
I often think that if God were really on board with the writing idea, I'd know. Or at least not have all of these questions. I ask myself if my ability to get lost in my writing means I have a vocation or if it just means that I find writing easier than sanding the front steps or pulling weeds.
Through prayer and reflection I've distilled all of these concerns into a few larger questions. Does God want me to write a book? Or do art? Or completely dedicate myself to family?
If He does want me to write a book, what kind of book - and on what?
If He does want me to write a book, what kind of book - and on what?
These were the kind of questions rattling around in my head when I first heard Fr. Timothy Gallagher speak on EWTN and these are the questions I hoped I thought I might be able to answer through Father's books on St. Ignatius, founder of the Jesuits, and author of the 14 Rules of Ignatian Discernment.
Deciding on What I Should Decide On
I began with Fr. Gallagher's second book, Discerning the Will of God, because that was precisely what I was trying to do. I didn't get far in, however, before I realized that I needed to read Father's first book - which explained the 14 Rules of St. Ignatius in detail - first.
Although I haven't gotten far with Discerning the Will of God, there was something in that bit I did read that made a lot of sense to me. This was the idea that 14 rules shouldn't be applied to anything that scripture or Church tradition clearly defines as morally necessary - because those kind of decisions can be made based on info we already have. Morally necessary activities would include, for example, commitments like caring for our family. So clearly, wherever God led me I would be expected to continue making my home and family a priority in my life. I found that surprisingly reassuring.
The Rules of St. Ignatius then are for discerning between morally acceptable, good and better, choices. Because my vocational decisions were morally acceptable they could be examined through the 14 rules. So I came up five questions about vocation wrote them out as questions.
- Can I effectively combine creative activity with the responsibilities of home and family - and is doing so part of God's plan for my life?
- If I determine that creative activity is part of God's plan for me - what kind of projects would be best?
- If I discern that God favors writing - should I write fiction or nonfiction or both?
- If the answer to #3 is nonfiction - what specific book project would align with God's plan for my life?
- Is it possible for me to do more than one creative activity or project (such as two different books or art plus writing) - and could that be God's will?
- Where does the blog fit in in all of this?
The Entry Point
At that point it occurred to me that Fr. Gallagher had made in his talk on EWTN was worth looking at. It is what Father refers to as the entry point or necessary condition for working with the rules.
This necessary condition is to be completely open to the will of God. This openness, Fr. Gallagher explained, should present as an attitude of absolutely neutrality.
While neutrality means that we should be completely unattached to any given outcome, Fr. Gallagher also pointed out that it is beneficial to have a bias toward the outcome that is most in line with the teaching of Jesus. Examples would be the outcome that pays less, has less statues or provides the greatest opportunity for service. I believe that Father called this a beneficial predisposition.
I felt I was very close to a beneficial disposition in terms of my family because I want to do my best for them even if it means sacrificing other things that are important to me. I felt that I had a beneficial disposition toward art because one of the reasons it attracted me was that I felt it might be more conducive to family life.
I knew I wasn't completely beneficially predisposed in terms of my writing. I really don't care about making money with any future ebook which was good. My overriding desire with nonfiction is to be of some help to people which was also good. My overriding desire with fiction is to entertain people. I could see that I had a bias toward being well-received, however, and that it was very important to me that people liked my writing. I knew I had a strong attachment to writing a nonfiction book but thought that it might be possible to fulfill this need through blogging.
I know that I need to pray about my particular biases but feel that, for now, having an awareness of them might be enough. So I feel that it does make sense to go forward and work with the 14 Rules of St. Ignatius as presented in The Discernment of Spirits.
Which means, as it turns out, that this series will probably focus on Fr. Gallagher's first book on Ignatius though it is possible that the series will spill over into book number two.
I know that I'm expecting a lot of Fr. Gallagher and St. Ignatius and am very aware that I have a lot of confusion around vocation for many of different reasons.
There are so many different things to consider, in fact, that I can't help thinking that it will be pretty darned miraculous if St. Ignatius CAN help clear it all up. But instead of feeling discouraged by that thought, I feel reassured. While that may seem counter intuitive, to me, it makes sense.
Saints are named saints, after all, because of the miracles they do.
I knew I wasn't completely beneficially predisposed in terms of my writing. I really don't care about making money with any future ebook which was good. My overriding desire with nonfiction is to be of some help to people which was also good. My overriding desire with fiction is to entertain people. I could see that I had a bias toward being well-received, however, and that it was very important to me that people liked my writing. I knew I had a strong attachment to writing a nonfiction book but thought that it might be possible to fulfill this need through blogging.
Where I Ended Up
I know that I need to pray about my particular biases but feel that, for now, having an awareness of them might be enough. So I feel that it does make sense to go forward and work with the 14 Rules of St. Ignatius as presented in The Discernment of Spirits.
Which means, as it turns out, that this series will probably focus on Fr. Gallagher's first book on Ignatius though it is possible that the series will spill over into book number two.
I know that I'm expecting a lot of Fr. Gallagher and St. Ignatius and am very aware that I have a lot of confusion around vocation for many of different reasons.
There are so many different things to consider, in fact, that I can't help thinking that it will be pretty darned miraculous if St. Ignatius CAN help clear it all up. But instead of feeling discouraged by that thought, I feel reassured. While that may seem counter intuitive, to me, it makes sense.
Saints are named saints, after all, because of the miracles they do.
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Please check out my second post in this series for a discussion of Fr. Gallagher's introduction to the rules and rules one and two as I am applying them.
Father Timothy Gallagher teaches on St. Ignatius and discerning the will of God. I first heard Fr. Gallagher teach on this topic on EWTN and it really struck a chord with me. So much so that I ordered not one but TWO of his books, Discerning the Will of God, and The Discernment of Spirits.
I'm hoping that these books will help me better understand Saint Ignatius and his work on discernment AND how to apply it in my own life.
On of the reasons I feel I need to focus on this topic is because spiritual warfare has been such a problem for me lately, it has been very hard to decide between various ebook projects. I'm going to be talking more on the topic of spiritual warfare in my next post. I'm also planning to do a short blog series on my process with Fr. Gallagher's books.
I've also been feeling called to shift emphasis in the blog (and in my life) to focus more on spiritual formation. I'll still be blogging on Catholic books, religious art and creative writing, of course, but I'm planning to do more posts on my faith - including my spiritual struggles.
So if these topics are of interest to you please check back!
O sweet Jesus, Whose overflowing charity for me is requited by so much forgetfulness, negligence and contempt, behold us prostrate before Your altar eager to repair by a special act of homage the cruel indifference and injuries, to which Your loving Heart is everywhere subject.
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| This is one of my favorite paintings of the Blessed Mother! |
Let not your heart be troubled. You believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father's house there are many mansions. If not, I would have told you: because I go to prepare a place for you. And if I shall go, and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and will take you to myself... - John 14:1-3 (DR)
About Interior Castle
Or maybe it's more accurate to say that what pertains to me personally is mostly in the beginning. So that's what I'm going to write about here.
About St. Teresa of Avila
St. Teresa of Avila was a leader and reformer of the Carmelite Orders of both women and men and the first female Doctor of the Catholic Church. She was courageous. She was articulate. And she was devoted to God.
St. Teresa was born in Ávila, Spain in 1515. She was a noblewoman whose paternal grandfather was a marrano (or forced Jewish convert to Christianity). At age 20, she entered the Carmelite Order. She read widely throughout her life. Her writing include an autobiography (The Life of St. Teresa of Jesus), The Way of Perfection and Interior Castle.
When St. Teresa began Interior Castle on Trinity Sunday, June 2nd, 1577, she was already on the radar of the Inquisitors. That may be why she is self-effacing, in the writing that follows, calling herself foolhardy or wretched, a mere woman writing for her fellow sisters only because women understand other women best.
Or that may be how she actually thought of herself. She was humble, after all. A saint.
And a mystic.
There is a lot about mysticism I don't understand but there are couple of things that I notice in St. Teresa's writing. My first observation is that legitimate mystical experience requires an unusually high degree of personal sanctity. The second is that mysticism calls for an intense and unwavering desire to get as close to God as is humanly possible.
That St. Teresa had such a desire from a young age, is obvious. We can see it in the story of how she set out for land of the Moors, as a child of seven, in order to be martyred and then see heaven. And we can see that same dedication shining through the words that she wrote.
The Interior Castle Framework
I began to think of the soul as if it were a castle made of a single diamond or of very clear crystal, in which there are many rooms, just as in Heaven there are many Mansions. - St. Teresa of Avila, Interior Castle
While St. Teresa often speaks of multiple castles or mansions the model she uses is one of rooms or levels in a greater castle which is ruled by God. The rooms are numbered one through seven, but are at the same time innumerable.
St. Teresa is clear in saying that the castle itself is something which we should not expect to ever understand fully.
...there is no point in our fatiguing ourselves by attempting to comprehend the beauty of this castle...the very fact that His Majesty says it is made in His image means that we can hardly form any conception of the soul's great dignity and beauty. - St. Teresa of Avila, Interior Castle
We also are shown that we should not think of the various floors or chambers in a strictly linear way.
Let us now imagine that this castle, as I have said, contains many mansions, some above, others below, others at each side; and in the center and midst of them all is the chiefest mansion where the most secret things pass between God and the soul. - St. Teresa of Avila, Interior Castle
Entering into the Castle
The chambers that St. Teresa describes are beautifully and progressively filled with light but they are not, even on the lowest level, accessible to everyone.
...there are souls so infirm and so accustomed to busying themselves with outside affairs that nothing can be done for them, and it seems as thought they are incapable of entering with themselves at all. So accustomed have they grown to living all the time with the reptiles and other creature to be found in the outer court of the castle that they have almost become like them; and although by nature they are so richly endowed as to have the power of holding converse with none other than God Himself, there is nothing that can be done for them. - St. Teresa of Avila, Interior Castle
While not everyone can enter the castle, those who do will come through the doorway of prayer.
As far as I can understand, the door of entry into this castle is prayer and meditation: I do not say mental prayer rather than vocal for, if it is prayer at all, it must be accompanied by meditation. If a person does not think Whom he is addressing ...I do not consider that he is praying at all even though he be constantly moving his lips. - St. Teresa of Avila, Interior Castle
Leaving behind the poor "paralyzed souls" who are unable to gain entry, St. Teresa moves on to talk about those in a second group who may (or may not) enter in. St. Theresa describes them as people who...
...are very much absorbed in worldly affairs; but their desires are good; sometimes, though infrequently they commend themselves to Our Lord and they think about the state of their souls, though not very carefully. Full of a thousand preoccupations as they are, they pray on a few times a month and as a rule they are thinking all the time of their preoccupations, for the are very much attached to them, and, where their treasure is there is their heart. - St. Teresa of Avila, Interior Castle
To my mind, this describes most of us. But I found that encouraging because it also holds out the hope that those who develop a true awareness of their worldly state may achieve ground level access.
The First Castle
St. Teresa describes the path of the worldly (but not hopeless) individuals outside the castle as follows:
From time to time, however they shake their mind free of them [meaning their worldly concerns] and it is a great thing that they should know themselves well enough to realize that they are not going the right way to reach the castle door. Eventually they enter the first rooms on the lowest floor, but so many reptiles get in with them they are unable to appreciate the beautify of the castle or to find any peace within it. Still they have done a good deal by entering at all. - St. Teresa of Avila, Interior Castle
The idea that we can be within the castle but still caught up in worldly desires highlights the fact that entry is only a beginning.
You must note that the light which comes from the palace occupied by the King hardly reaches these first Mansions at all; for, although they are not dark and black, as...the soul...in a state of sin, they are to some extent darkened ... because ... snakes and vipers and poisonous creatures .... have come in with the soul .... [and] prevent it from seeing the light. - St. Teresa of Avila, Interior Castle
My Reaction
Remember that in few of the mansions of this castle are we free from struggles with devils ... it is most important that we should not cease to be watchful against the devil's wiles, lest he deceive in the guise of an angel of light. For there are a multitude of ways in which he can deceive us, and gradually make his way into the castle, and until he is actually there we do not realize it. - St. Teresa of Avila, Interior Castle
St. Teresa dedicates chapter one to the first castle. Chapter two addresses the topic of sin and the subtle ways in which Satan can deceive us. In chapter three she moves on to the second castle.
But I am fascinated by the vipers in chapter one.
I remember a dream I had about fallen angels and poison and writing. And another about a pit full of lizards.
I think about the poisonous reptiles in my waking life.
I think about the poisonous reptiles in my waking life.
St. Teresa tells us that these creatures can be a problem in the second castle or the third. She uses the image of a poisonous viper as a metaphor for sin and worldly preoccupation and the demonic.
Full of a thousand preoccupations as they are, they pray only a few times a month and as a rule they are thinking all the time of their preoccupations, for the are very much attached to them, and, where their treasure is there is their heart.
I think about my own attachments and feel quite sure that I am part of the ground level group St. Teresa describes above.
I remember how spiritually advanced I imagined myself to be when I was involved in the new age and the occult. I find it interesting that now, having returned to the Church, I'm struck by how spiritually remedial I actually am.
My Application
I set aside Interior Castle and take a short personal inventory. I come up with seven behaviors that I would like to change. And I know that I'm right to want to change them. These are things that stand between me and God or at the very least show that I don't really trust him.
This is how I know that I am over my head with Interior Castle. While I know that I will read the rest of it anyway, I also know that it's the first chapter I need to focus on. I remember that St. Teresa said we enter the castle through the doorway of prayer so I know that prayer is the key.
I order a book that Fr. Chad Ripperger recommends called The Ways of Mental Prayer. It promises an explanation of contemplative prayer that is based on of the work of St. Teresa of Avila, St. John of the Cross, St. Francis de Sales and others.
I think about the Interior Castle a lot over the next couple of days. I know it's not especially impressive to find myself stuck in the entryway to St. Teresa's beautiful palace. But to me it feels like a discovery.
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There are several versions of Interior Castle available. The one I've linked in this post is the Dover Thrift Edition ($4.99). Interior Castle is also available for $0.74 on kindle and on audible for $10.95.
Vision is a German film that chronicles the life of the 12th century Christian mystic St. Hildegard von Binging. The film begins with her early childhood and covers all of the known major events of her adult life. It is subtitled but moves at a readable pace.
St. Hildegard von Bingen was not only a visionary. She was also a gifted healer, a painter, religious leader, poet, and composer. One of the things I especially liked about Vision was the beautiful sound track based on St. Hildegard's own compositions. I was left impressed with emphasis on the saints personal relationships. Not that I doubt that she had them or suffered at times with them, as do we all. But, to me, she is so much more than that.
According to multiple sources, including Barbara Newman, author of Voice of the Living Light: St. Hildegard of Bingen and Her World
, St. Hildegard recorded many of the mystical visions that she had been having since childhood. These writings describe a brilliant light pouring down from heaven, which the saint referred to as "the living light."
, St. Hildegard recorded many of the mystical visions that she had been having since childhood. These writings describe a brilliant light pouring down from heaven, which the saint referred to as "the living light."Because angels appeared to St. Hildegard in her visions, she gave a lot of thought to the relationship between angels and man. She foresaw an apocalyptic future giving way to a new heaven and a new earth as described in the book of Revelation.
Direct translations of St. Hildegard's visions may be found in Hildegard von Bingen's Mystical Visions which I have not read. But hope to read soon.
St. Hildegard attributed most of her accomplishments (including her incredibly beautiful musical compositions) to her visionary experience. But she remained modest throughout her life, giving all glory and honor to God as shown in the following letter to another religious leader:
A wind blew from a high mountain and, as it passed over ornamented castles and towers, it put into motion a small feather which had no ability of its own to fly but received its movement entirely from the wind. Surely the almighty God arranged this to show what the Divine could achieve through a creature that had no hope of achieving anything by itself. St. Hildegard's letter to Abbot Philip
St. Hildegard believed in a strong connection between body and soul and regarded physical disturbance as a sign of a deeper imbalance. Her pharmacopoeia, The Physica (Hildegard von Bingen's Physica: The Complete English Translation of Her Classic Work on Health and Healing)
, discusses the specific medicinal qualities of plants, elements, living creatures and metals.
The Physical does mention the use of crystals which I do not recommend. It is worth noting, however, that St. Hildegard seemed to be attempting to utilize the mineral (rather than the magical) qualities of the stones. In many instances she placed the recommended stones directly against the skin or asked the patient to hold them in their mouth.
To me, fact that the Physica must be read critically (like all historical medical treatises) doesn't detract from its value. As one of the three female doctors of the Catholic Church, her medical and visionary writings may be taken seriously.
, discusses the specific medicinal qualities of plants, elements, living creatures and metals. The Physical does mention the use of crystals which I do not recommend. It is worth noting, however, that St. Hildegard seemed to be attempting to utilize the mineral (rather than the magical) qualities of the stones. In many instances she placed the recommended stones directly against the skin or asked the patient to hold them in their mouth.
To me, fact that the Physica must be read critically (like all historical medical treatises) doesn't detract from its value. As one of the three female doctors of the Catholic Church, her medical and visionary writings may be taken seriously.
Assuming a leadership position throughout her life, St. Hildegard served as magistra of the sisterhood at Disibodenberg and went on to found her own convent at Rupertberg in the face of great opposition. She was the author of the Physica
, three books of visions
, numerous musical works and what many consider to be the first morality play.
Canonized after her death, St. Hildegard's progressive and holistic approach to the treatment of illness was far ahead of its time and her many visions are thought provoking and well recorded. Her delicate and haunting liturgical melodies speak directly to the heart. To me, their survival over these last 800 years is a remarkable testimony. I listen to them often.
, three books of visions, numerous musical works and what many consider to be the first morality play.Canonized after her death, St. Hildegard's progressive and holistic approach to the treatment of illness was far ahead of its time and her many visions are thought provoking and well recorded. Her delicate and haunting liturgical melodies speak directly to the heart. To me, their survival over these last 800 years is a remarkable testimony. I listen to them often.
The full version of Canticles Of Ecstasy
is available for digital download through Amazon.
is available for digital download through Amazon.
We need no wings to go in search of Him, but have only to find a place where we can be alone and look upon Him present within us. - St. Teresa of Avila
Over the last few weeks I found myself working on my new inspirational romance almost everyday. I was happy with my progress. And then I hit a snag.
Looking back I'm not sure quite how it happened. All I know is that I started to think about some of my old unpublished manuscripts and then I began to wonder if I might be able to use some of that work in whole or in part.
So I traveled back down that path to the place I used to write from.
It was fun to read the old stuff, at first, and in many ways I was pleased with the writing. While I was no longer personally interested in paranormal or fantasy fiction, I knew that the genres were still popular with others. Probably more popular, I reasoned, than the genre I'm working in now.
I decided that it might make sense to revise and publish some of those manuscripts.
As I began to edit I was struck by how much my values had changed. I kept on going but in the back of mind there was a growing sense of unease. That unease persisted and eventually peaked late one night.
It was one of those long sleepless nights that everyone hates. I stared at the ceiling, cycling through a familiar litany of problems and worries until, at three in the morning, I staryed to think about the preceding week.
It was fun to read the old stuff, at first, and in many ways I was pleased with the writing. While I was no longer personally interested in paranormal or fantasy fiction, I knew that the genres were still popular with others. Probably more popular, I reasoned, than the genre I'm working in now.
I decided that it might make sense to revise and publish some of those manuscripts.
As I began to edit I was struck by how much my values had changed. I kept on going but in the back of mind there was a growing sense of unease. That unease persisted and eventually peaked late one night.
It was one of those long sleepless nights that everyone hates. I stared at the ceiling, cycling through a familiar litany of problems and worries until, at three in the morning, I staryed to think about the preceding week.
I had been busy. So busy that I hadn't had time for my rosary or my daily missal or that Sunday's YouTube mass. But I'd had busier weeks and still made time. Something was wrong. I felt as if I was disconnecting from my faith. And I couldn't help wondering if it had something to do with the manuscripts I was working on.
But the writing was solid and work was going well. I didn't want it to be that. I wanted to get my old work out there. So I set all of that aside. I said the rosary and then I said some other prayers. Just before I fell asleep, I prayed for direction in regard to my writing.
What should I do, I asked. Is this the right direction. Show me.
The next day I was too tired to edit so I did some market research I'd learned about in an ebook called Write to Market instead. When I was done, I wrote 'Best Genres for Me' on the top of a yellow legal pad and then I wrote down numbers one through four.
Interestingly none of the genres I used to write in made that list. But the one I had just stepped away from in order to revisit the past, did.
As I thought about the research I realized that my prayer for direction had been answered. God was still listening even when I probably didn't deserve to be heard.
I know that this probably seems unremarkable. I know that the world isn't going to change in any way appreciable way thanks to one more inspirational romance. But I also know know that most of us arent called to make big changes. We're called to love our families and live our faith and take the abilities we're given and do what we do with integrity.
Last week I wasn't doing that fully. But I am now.
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